Bardzo proszę o sprawdzenie błędów (opis)

Temat: ,,Opisz osobę, o której możesz powiedzieć, że świat byłby lepszy, gdyby było na nim więcej osób podobnych do niego"



My role model is Jesus Christ. Most of people know him from Bible or Church or school.
We can get to know abot him from the Holy Bible and few historical sources.In my opinion he is the best authority and world could be better if there will be more people like he. This man changed lots of people for the better.He is redeemer for some group of people and an example to follow for everybody.
As a young boy Jesus was helpfull. Everybody heard the story about his firts miracle – a change of water in wine. When he had been growing up he became even more helpful. During his ministry he made lots of miracles which shown us not only his power but love and sympathy for every human being.The Bible says that he rinsed widows son and Jairs daughter from the dead. Some other time he cured few people of blindness. Jesus gave back health for paralysed, leprous and many other sick people. One time Christ fed five thousant people during his sermon. He treated people with special care. It show us his sensitivity.
His next atribute is impartiality. In the first century most of mans perceive women dishonesty, like someone with narrow-minded. Jesus never humiliated women. He cured woman who had been bleeding by fourteen years. Jesus made conversation with every kind of people. With rich pharisees and poor fishermans. He had been visiting even bad taxman and helped him to became honest person.
Jesus changed people for better. He forgave Mary Magdalene her sins while no one even thought about forigiving for wartons. He perceive shes repentance. Saul of Tarsus who was really agressive and argumentative Roman citizen became apostole (Paul the Apostole). Paul had been fighting and killing christians befor he heard Jesus appeal from heaven. Christ spread his moral principles among his believers. He taught about love and peace, showed how to keep good relationship in family and community.
For his believers Jesus was savoir. He had shown the biggest loyality for God and love for people when he gave his life as an offering. But even if we aren't christians and Jesus is for us fictitious person, today his moral rules are templates. World could be much better when we will try to follow his example and advices.




Z góry bardzo dziękuję za sprawdzenie . Szykuję się do matury ale nie chodzę już do szkoły, Wasze poprawki będą dla mnie dużą pomocą. Pozdrawiam

Mysle ze nie ma sensu tego poprawiac, co prawda jest tutaj kilka blędów, ale jeśli napisałaś to sama to sporo z nich powinnaś też zauwarzyć. np słowo mans nie istnieje - men. Tak szczerze to jesli byś coś takiego napisala na maturze, to egzaminator napewno przeczyta to dwa razy, raz zeby zobaczyc o czym piszesz bo jest to niewiarygodne - mi do glowy by nie przyszlo ze mozna ten temat tak pieknie zrealizowac i drugi raz, zeby pozaznaczac te bledy.
Dobra robota mimo bledow ! ;)

Most of (cos brak) people know him from (brak cos) Bible or Church or school.
We can get to know abot him from the Holy Bible and (brak cos) few historical sources.In my opinion he is the best authority and (brak cos) world 'could' (czy masz na mysli 'would') be better if there 'will' WERE 'be' (niepotr) more people like 'he' HIM.
He is (brak cos) redeemer for some group of people and an example to follow for everybody.
As a young boy Jesus was 'helpfull' (ortog). Everybody HAS heard the story about his 'firts' (ortog) miracle – 'a' THE change of water inTO wine (to co napisalas to 'woda we winie'). When he 'had been growing' GREW up he became even more helpful. During his 'ministry' (nie za bardzo trafne slowo) he made lots of miracles which 'shown' (tutaj czas przeszly od 'show') us not only his power but love and sympathy for every human being.The Bible says that he 'rinsed' (to jest zle slowo) (brak cos) widow's son and Jair's daughter from the dead. 'Some other' (napisz ANOTHER) time he cured few people 'of' FROM blindness. Jesus gave back (brak cos) health for (brak cos) paralysed, 'leprous' (ortog) and many other sick people. One time Christ fed five 'thousant' (ortog) people during his sermon.
In the first century most 'of mans' (tego nie rozumiem) 'perceive' (tutaj czas przeszly) women (tu cos brakuje) 'dishonesty' (cos zmien to slowo), like someone with 'narrow-minded' (troszeczke zmien).
He cured (brak cos) woman who had been bleeding 'by' FOR fourteen years. Jesus 'made conversation' (lepiej powiedziec 'talked') with 'every' ALL kindS of people.
With rich pharisees and poor fishermans..... to nie jest zdanie i myslisz l. mnoga
He had been visiting even (brak cos) bad taxman and helped him to became (brak cos) honest person.
Jesus changed people for (brak cos) better. He forgave Mary Magdalene her sins while no one even thought about 'forigiving' (ortog) 'for wartons' (nie rozumiem) . He 'perceive' (tutsj czas przeszly) 'shes' HER repentance. Saul of Tarsus who was (brak cos) really agressive and argumentative Roman citizen became (brak cos) apostole (Paul the Apostole). Paul had been fighting and killing 'christians' (duza litera) 'befor' (ortog) he heard Jesus appeal from heaven.
He taught about love and peace, showed (ale komu? musisz napisac) how to keep (brak cos) good relationship in family and community.
For his believers Jesus was (brak cos) 'savoir' (ortog). He had shown the biggest loyality 'for' TO God and love for (brak cos) people when he gave his life as an offering. But even if we aren't christians and Jesus is for us (brak cos) fictitious person, today his moral rules are templates (ale do czego? napisz) . (brak cos) world could be much better 'when' IF we 'will try' TRIED to follow his example and 'advices' (to niepolicz.).


Masz problemy z przedimkami (a, an, the) Prosze jeszcze duzo o nich poczytac.

Bardzo dziękuję za pomoc. Racja, zupełnie zapomniałam o pilnowaniu sie z przedimkami. Jeszcze raz dziękuję.