>"If she doesn't join us, we'll never finish..." can be restated as
>"her not joining us is/will be the reason for our being late."
>"Unless she joins us, we'll never finish..." means "her joining us is
>the only thing that may prevent us from being late."
The difference in meaning you postulate higes on your use of 'may' rather than 'will' in 'may prevent'. I think that in many instances the interpretation of an unless-clause will veer towards 'will'. Consider the following:
'He won't go to sleep unless you read him a book'
Would you insist that it can only be paraphrased as 'If you read him a book, he MAY go to sleep?' Didn't the speaker (a parent?) actually mean "the only way of getting him to go to sleep is to read him a book'?
Having said that, I do not intend to question the general vailidity of your conclusions. The specific point I want to make is that 'the distinction between UNLESS and IF NOT is sometimes not observed'.
The answer to the original question was over-simplified. However, this is how 'unless' is usually introduced in English textbooks for foreign learners. if the person who posted that question was looking for more detailed information, they might have said so and then the person who responded would probably have written more.
What enrages you is that we don't write everything we should. This is because we know quite well what school students need and most of the posters are school students using pre-intermediate/intermediate textbooks. If they want more information from us, they are free to ask for more. Believe me, I wouldn't explain any grammar issue away in this way to my students at the university, but I have taught beginners.