Byłabym wdzięczna gdyby ktoś zechciał mi pomóc!!!

Mam wątpliwości co do poprawności treści, pomozewsz? Pilne! Dziękuje:)

Dear Ms Kowalski

I saw your advert, and I decided to write to you. I am keen to tell you something about my life. My name is Ola. I am 16 years old, short and of medium build. I have brown eyes, curly dark hair and dark complexion.
I live in Poland, exactly in small village which name is tolkmicko. I think I am not a typical polish women, because I can’t cook.
I’m outgoing and friendly towards other people. My friends say that I am a nervous sort of person, but it’s not a true, although maybe a bit. I sometimes find it difficult to be quite when someone irritate me. Futhermore I enjoy going to discos and cinema. When I have free time, I sometimes go for long walk with my friend. I’ve always been interested in music, even I can play in flute, but I love rock and metal. My favourite bands are Linkin Pank and Nirvana.
My family live in a small block in Tolkmicko. I have one brother, who name is Paweł and he is 15 years old.My father is an engineer, but my mum is a teacher. The most interesting school subject for me is chemistry and biology. In future I want to be a doctor with a specjality in surgery.
I hope, we will make a good penfiends.
Love
from Ola

Do kogo kierujesz te korespondencję, ile lat ma ta osoba, gdzie dostrzegłaś anons na który postanowiłaś odpisać?

Uzylas zwrotu "penfriends" - czy masz na mysli korespondencyjna znajomosc z ta osoba?

Tak, mam na myśli korenspondencyjną znajomość a osoba do której piszę jest wymyślona i nie ma znaczenia ile ma lat itd. Ważna jest zawartość merttoryczna tekstu

"Dear Ms Kowalski" - AandT nie pytal Cie ze wscibstwa, kim jest ta osoba. Po prostu naturalniejsze byloby miedzy (chocby potencjalnymi) penfriends uzywanie imion -- nawet w pierwszym liscie.

"I am 16 years old, short and medium built."

"I live in Poland in a small village of Tolmicko." (w tym wypadku byloby nie "exactly", tylko np. "to be precise" -- tak czy owak, w ang. raczej unikamy takich polskich pseudointelektualnych ozdobnikow)

"I think I am not a typical _P_olish wom_a_n, because I can't cook." (16 to kobieta?)

"... but it's not true -- well, all right: maybe a bit." (bez "a" przed "true": "true" jest przymiotnikem)

"I sometimes find it difficult to be qui_e_t when someone irritate_s_ me."

"Futhermore, I enjoy going to discos and to the cinema." (na moje czucie "cinema" wystepuje w takim kontekscie zawsze z "the" -- wynika to chyba z tego, ze samo "cinema" kojarzy sie raczej z kinematografia, kinem jako elem. kultury)

"In my spare time I sometimes go for a long walk with my friend."

"I've always been interested in music, I can even play flute, but I love rock and metal."

"My family live in a small block of flats in Tolkmicko."

"I have one brother, who's name is Paweł, and he is 15 years old."

"My father is an engineer and my mum is a teacher." ("but"??)

"The most interesting school subjects for me are chemistry and biology." (Lepiej byloby: "My favorite school subjects are...")

"In the future I want to be a doctor with a spec_i_ality in surgery."

"I hope we will make good penfiends." (bez przecinka oraz bez "a" przed "good")

"Love,
Ola" (bez "from")

Dziękuję:)

"osoba do której piszę jest wymyślona i nie ma znaczenia ile ma lat itd"

Ma to znaczenie bo determinuje styl Twojej ewentualnej korespondencji co slusznie zauwazyl (dziekuje ;-) forumowicz o nicku sobar.

Zakladajac, ze osoba do ktorej piszesz ma - nascie lat i piszesz do niej w celu nawiazania korespondencyjnej znajomosci w odpowiedzi na anons, ogloszenie bledem jest rozpoczynanie listu "Dear Ms Kowalski" co rowniez zauwazyl moj przedmowca. Czy w jezyku polskim napisalabys "Szanowna Panno Kowalska" piszac do osoby zblizonej wiekiem do Ciebie z ktora chcesz sie zaprzyjaznic korespondencyjnie?

"I saw your advert and I decided to write to you"
Uff, strasznie oficjalnie i chlodno.
Jesli widzialas anons w dziale, na stronie, w rubryce, etc. poswieconej nawiazywaniu znajomosci, relacji napisz np:
"I saw your profile and I have realized that we have so many things in common"; "after seeing your profile I know that we have so many things in common"; "you are very interesting person whom I'd love to get to know better"; "all what you wrote about yourself (tu mozesz podac gdzie zobaczylac anons, profil, ogloszenie, etc.) drew my attention so I decided to ..." etc.

"I am keen to tell you ..."
hmm, tak, w podrecznikach tak pewnie pisza ale nie brzmi to za dobrze dla kogos urodzonego w anglojezycznym panstwie.

Ja napisalbym po prostu, np: " I am so enthusiastic (albo prosciej i mniej formalnie, excited, happy) thinking of us as penfriends albo about getting the chance to write to someone like you that I would love ( I cannot wait ) to tell you something about myself and my life"
I'm 16, rather short and slim albo not too tall. Absolutnie nie uzylbym "medium built", generalnie pominalbym te informacje.

"I live in Poland, exactly in small village which name is tolkmicko"
Jesli juz w ten sposob to jak wyzej - nie "exactly".
Napisabym zwyczajnie
"I am from Poland and I live in a small village named Tolkmicko"

"I think I am not a typical polish women, because I can't cook"

Nie jestes kobieta i unikaj stereotypow w pierwszym liscie do kogos.


"My friends say that I am a nervous sort of person, but it's not a true, although maybe a bit. I sometimes find it difficult to be quite when someone irritate me."

Stylistyczny koszmarek.

Moze:
"Some friends of mine say that I am a nervous person but I do not think they are right. Well, sometimes when some people irritate (someone irritates) me I do lose my temper but who does not ?"

"Furthermore I enjoy going to discos and cinema"

Nie wymienilas zadnych zainteresowan ani form spedzania wolnego czasu wczesniej wiec nie uzywaj "furthermore" zaczynajac kolejne zdanie.

"I love to dance so being 16 I enjoy going to the disco places. I am also interested in movies and I like going to the theater as often as I can.

"When I have free time I sometimes go for long walk with my friend."

Popraw tak jak w wypowiedzi powyzej.

"I've always been interested in music, even I can play in flute, but I love rock and metal. My favourite bands are Linkin Pank and Nirvana"

Czy nie lepiej byloby np:
"Since I remember music has been a very important part of my life. I find rock and roll and metal music the most appealing and that's why Linkin Pank and Nirvana are my favourite bands.
However playing flute let me see the beauty of the classical music as well." ?

"My family live in a small block in Tolkmicko. I have one brother, who name is Paweł and he is 15 years old.My father is an engineer, but my mum is a teacher"

"I have one brother; his name is Pawel and he is 15. My Mom is a teacher and my Dad is an engineer. We all live together in a small flat in our village"
Przy okazju - czy miejscowosc Tolmicko to wies czy male miasteczko?
Moze - "in our town" ?

"The most interesting school subjects for me are chemistry and biology."

Najprosciej - popraw jak w wypowiedzi powyzej.

"In future I want to be a doctor with a specjality in surgery."

"In the future I want to be a physician specialized in (practising) (- in) surgery (medicine)."


Pozostale jak powyzej.

However playing flute let me see the beauty of the classical music as
>well." ?

clumsy!

'play THE flute',
'let me' - that's polish!
'classical music', no article!

try this:
'i (also) play the flute and that is how i got/learned to appreciate classical music'

'In the future I want to be a physician specialized in (practising) (-
>in) surgery (medicine)."

isn't that a 'surgeon'? that description is too long!

>clumsy!

Moze odrobine.

>'play THE flute'

Absolutnie masz racje.

>'classical music', no article!

To prawda.

>'let me' - that's polish!

Nie, absolutnie nie prawda.

Przy okazji "polish" piszemy przez "P". Ale rozumiem Twoj pospiech z klawiatura - wyrozumialosci w stosunku do innych Tobie zycze.

"isn't that a 'surgeon'? that description is too long!"

Oczywiscie, ze to chirurg.
Ale oryginalnie w tekscie mamy "In future I want to be a doctor with a specjality in surgery".
Zapropowalismy jedynie poprawna wersje tego zdania.
Nie badz zlosliwy w komentarzach i nie narzucaj innym formy wypowiedzi bo obie ("w przyszlosci chce byc chirurgiem" jak i "w przyszlosci chce byc lekarzem specjalizujacym sie w chirurgii") sa poprawne w obu jezykach i doskonale o tym wiesz.

fyi. i don't use caps at all. and i'm not being overly critical at all. just trying to help others.

'let me' - sounds weird. i know that it translates well into polish, and coul dbe used in english. but it doesn't mean it sounds weird in english. at least to me... :)

correction: it doesn't mean it doesn't sound weird in english.