rozprawka, proszę o sprawdzenie i sugestie co poprawić

1. Niektórzy rodzice dają nastolatkom kieszonkowe za wykonywanie obowiązków domowych. Napisz rozprawkę, w której przedstawisz dobre i złe strony takiego rozwiązania.

Have you ever considered giving your kids pocket money? Some parents started giving money to their children for doing household chores. In the following essay, I will consider the advantages and disadvantages of this idea.
One point of view in favour of giving money for doing household duties is teaching your children the value of their work. When they will become an adult, they will know how not to get used by other people at work and do only their job. Futhermore, having money at the young age can teach that you don't get anything for free. It's important lesson for the future, if you want something you have to work for it.
Most important disadvantage is that kids will be able to want more money and they won't care about parents' finances, they may become demanding. Moreover, children would stop doing their household chores and only get back to doing them when they would get money again. Another disadvantage is that children can buy something not useful or harmfull for them. We can not control our kids every time and for knowing that children can use that, for curiosity they would try to buy something that's not for their young age.
To sum up, giving kids pocket money can teach them a lot of useful skills that they will use in the future, but also can be dangerous for them. In my opinion it's bad idea I think that disadvantages are too serious to ignore them.

When they 'will' (niepotrzebne slowo) become an adult, they will know 'how not to get used' (za potocznie, by other people at work and do only their job. Futhermore, having money at 'the' (a) young age can teach (ale kogo? trzeba napisac) that you don't get anything for free. It's (brak przedimka) important lesson for the future, if you want something you have to work for it.
Most important disadvantage is that kids will 'be able to' (wg mnnie niepotr) want more money and they won't care about (ja dalabym cos tutaj) parents' finances, they may become demanding. Moreover, 'children' (raz piszesz 'children' a drugi raz 'kids' - albo jedno albo drugie) would stop doing their household chores and only get back to doing them when they 'would' (niepotr) get money again. Another disadvantage is that children can buy something not useful or 'harmfull' (ortog) for them.
We can not control our kids every time 'and for knowing that children can use that,' (cos tu nie tak, bardzo zle sie czyta) for curiosity they would try to buy something that's not (ale co? daj slowo) for their young age.
To sum up, giving kids pocket money can teach them a lot of useful skills that they will use in the future, but (tu cos brak) also can be dangerous for them. 'In my opinion' (tutaj nikt nie pyta sie o twoja opinie, masz przedstawic 'argumenty') it's bad idea I think that disadvantages are too serious to ignore. 'them' (niepotr).

'In my opinion' (tutaj nikt nie pyta sie o twoja opinie, masz przedstawic 'argumenty') it's bad idea I think that disadvantages are too serious to ignore. 'them' (niepotr).

Ale trzeba to jakos podsumowac. Moze " to sum it up"

Terri poprawila jezyk, ja się skupię na treści i formie :)
W tezie zamiast 'I will consider advantages ...' 'there are some advantages ...' ( bez 'I am hoing to / I will' bo to nie rozprawka z opinią).

Swoją opinię możesz wyrazić w podsumowaniu.

Pamietaj o podziale graficznym pracy ( akapity)
Nie stosuj form skróconych, widzę kilka a to błąd.
Pamieraj zeby policzyć słowa- 2[tel]( a tak naprawdę można przeciągnąć do 180 bez 'ukarania' :)

I rada dla maturzystów, dokładnie odnoście się do polecenia - jeśli w poleceniu są nastolatki, praca domowa, kieszonkowe itp to pamiętajcie zeby to jie byli np dorośli, jakies inne prace i np ogolnie pieniądze... wiem, banalna sprawa a to b.czesty błąd

Pozdrawiam i powodzenia- egzaminator(ka) maturalna :)

... miało być " można przeciągnąć do 280 oczywiscie' ( nie 180)

Podsumowanie ok, moim zdaniem.
Zaczynasz od To sum up, ... Potem może znaleźć się Twoja opinia.
Zmieniłabym jedno zdanie tak, żeby zastosować inwersjd stylistyczna, będzie lepiej brzmiało i punkt na konto bogactwa językowego:

Not only can giving teenagers pocket money teach them ... bug also ...

But also .. :)
Sorry, pośpiech

ot only can giving teenagers pocket money teach them ... bug also ...

Good thing that you corrected yourself, because that mistake really bugged me :-))))

In the following essay, I will consider

In this essay (so and so) is the topic/are the main topics that will be analysed/discussed/argued/presented

Przeczytalam jeszcze raz ta rozprawke. Wazne jest, zeby nie powtarzac pytania, uzyles prawie 50 slow na powtarzanie tego.
W pierszym zdaniu napisac o co chodzi. Np. I will discuss/argue/present ..the advantages and disadvantages of....XXX
Firstly.... i uzyj tylko jedno slowo tam gdzie uzywasz 10 zeby to samo przekazac.
Ja bym to zrobila inaczej....advantages - children realize how hard it is to earn money, useful in later life, repetitive actions such as cleaning every day in preparation for working environment where , time consuming.
Disadvantages - set agreement as to value of each task, children not being advised where and how they spend money, money can be spent on alcohol, cigarettes.
Jedno lub 2 zdania na kazdy punkt.
Na koncu, ...based on these arguments, it is clear/evident that ...advantages/disadvantages, should be appropriate for the age of the child.

Dziękuje za wszystkie pomocne rady :)