Proszę o sprawdzenie

Proszę o sprawdzenie tego króciutkiego opowiadanka ;)

Once I was strolling in the mountains and out of the blue I gazed an old ruined goldmine. I was curious what I could find there, so I went inside inconsiderately. All of a sudden the roof collapsed and I got stuck. Luckily I had a mobile phone, so I phoned the rescue team, but they said that they were unable to help me right now since they didn’t have a spare brigade. And I had to wait inside the cold dank goldmine. After a couple of hours they appeared and I was saved, but I caught a cold.

Once, I was strolling in the mountains and +all of a sudden+ I +found myself looking at+ an old ruined goldmine.

Co do "out of the blue" to intuicja podpowiada mi, ze to raczej gdy podmiot nie ma _zadnego_ udzialu w zaistnieniu zjawiska. Moze sie myle.
"to gaze _at_ (/into/etc.)" - wpatrywac sie. Zdanie z "...I found myself gazing at.." tez byloby w miare OK, tylko, ze IMO "gazing" gryzie sie z "suddenly".


I was curious what I could find there, so I went inside inconsiderately.

IMO, przecinek przed "inconsiderately". --Second opinion, please! Anyone?

All of a sudden the roof collapsed and I got stuck.

Przecinek po sudden. Jeslibys korzystal/-a z mojej wczesn. sugestii, wtedy dla odmiany np. "Without any warning,".

Luckily [,] I had a mobile phone, so I +called+ the rescue team, but they said that they were unable to help me *straightaway*, since they didn't have a spare brigade.

"right now" bylo wtedy: takie okoliczniki podlegaja zamianie w "reported speech".

And +so+ I had to wait inside the cold dank goldmine.

After a couple of hours +the help arrived+ and I was saved, but I caught a cold.

A moze by, tak dla efektu, rozbic to tak:

.. was saved. Still, I cought a cold.

you asked a second opinion on 'inconsiderately'.

if anything, i'd say 'i inconsiderately went inside', BUT...

i'd change it completely. 'inconsiderately' doesn't make much sense here.
it means 'disregarding/disrespecting sb's feelings/rights'.

unless i misinterpreted the intentions of the person who wrote it, which is also a possibility!

hope this helps! :)

uh, one more. to the author of the above - definitely don't use 'brigade'!!!! rescuers usu. work in teams!

as for the rest - follow sobar's advice. it's always the way to go!

Ja tez pewnie nie pomyslalbym o tym slowie (bede "nietaktycznie" szczery: glownie z ignorancji), ale sprawdzilem, i --

w RHUD:

in•con•sid•er•ate adj.

1. without due regard for the rights or feelings of others: It was inconsiderate of him to keep us waiting.

2. acting without consideration; thoughtless; heedless. 3. overhasty; rash; ill-considered: slovenly, inconsiderate reasoning.

w M-W:

1 a : HEEDLESS, THOUGHTLESS b : careless of the rights or feelings of others
2 : not adequately considered : ILL-ADVISED

Czyli chyba odpowiada intencji. (?)

Sorry, XL. RHUD disagrees:

brigade

...
3. a group of individuals organized for a particular purpose: a fire brigade; a rescue brigade.

And I'm being so ungrateful in this thread... ;)

Thank you, XL :) I really appreciate your kindness.

it's really hard to agrue a dictionary. i always do my corrections from the practical side. just trying to polish it and make sure the translation will be undestandable. and that's where dictionaries aren't of much help, unfortunately!

i'd still replace 'inconsiderately' with 'thoughtlessly', ' without consideration', even 'foolishly'. maybe because the first meaning of 'inconsiderately' is the one i provided above (although you're right about the other meaning!) and that's just the first idea that comes to your mind when you hear it!

same goes for 'brigade' - it brings to my mind an image of a bunch of uniformed fellas. 'teams of rescuers' is what you hear most frequently. and, tragically enough, we've had a chance to hear it quite frequently in the past couple of weeks.

Wielkie dzięki za wszystkie uwagi.Incosiderately i brigade zostawie, bo to pierwsze co mi przyszło do głowy i niech już tak zostanie ;)
ps. dalczego phoned jest źle?

Once I was strolling in the mountains, WHEN SUDDENLY I CAME UPON an old ruined goldmine. I was curious AS TO what I MIGHT find there, so WITHOUT FURTHER THOUGHT, I WENT INSIDE. All of a sudden the roof collapsed and I BECAME TRAPPED. Luckily I had a mobile phone, so I phoned the rescue team. UNFORTUNATELY, they said that they were unable to help me right now since they didn't have rescue personnel to spare. I had to wait inside the cold, dank goldmine. After a couple of hours they appeared and I was saved, but I caught a cold.


Fine-tuned as above, including punctuation.

Phoned is OK, but CALLED is better.
Ruined is OK, ABANDONED is better

Nie jest zle, tylko ze wczesniej pojawia sie juz "mobile phone", a dbalosc o elegancje stylistyczna sklania ku roznorodnosci.

I much agree with you, XL. And (I hope I'm not beginning to sound obsequious ;) this is the quality that I particularly treasure in your comments (among plentiful other) -- that you have that big experience and ear for natural language. You're probably rght in seeing it as very important to teach those most common forms of expression to the people who are still learning their extended fundamentals.

Nevertheless, personally I tend to support delving deep into the hoard of the language: not trying to take risks that a native speaker might allow him or herself, but moving without overwhelming fear, especially if an authoritative source seems to lend us a good battle horse :)

Also, I shun from comprehensively resecting what people here originally write merely on the grounds of my awareness of my own considerable incompetence.

..plentiful other *things*)

>All of a sudden the roof collapsed and I BECAME TRAPPED.

Powiedziałbym "I was trapped". became is too formal for me.

Luckily I had a mobile phone, so I phoned the rescue team.

... a rescue team, a lepiej "the emergency services"


> since they didn't have rescue personnel to spare.

Zamiast "to spare" raczej " any re.pe. on stand-by"

>dank goldmine.

Dank?? Dark? Damp?


>After a couple of hours

dalbym "a couple of hours later"