BARDZO PROSZĘ o sprawdzenie. Sprawa być albo nie być!

Witam serdecznie forumowiczów!
Do Czwartku 23:59:59 Muszę wysłać list motywacyjny w sprawie pracy.
Bardzo was proszę o poprawienie tego co napisałem. Jeżeli nie macie czasu na całość to chociaż część.

Pozdrawiam serdecznie i wielkie dzięki!!


Dear Sir/Madam

In a reply to an announcement that was posted on www........com website, I am applying for position in Intern Insurance Consulting Team. Moreover, I would like to add that I am ready and determined to be a part of recruitment process which lead to getting this position in your company.
I consider myself as a person who has the right profile to do this job. In everyday life
I am ambitious and I treat each task with full commitment and responsibility. I think that right attitude is a key to achieve any goal. I am aware that every action can has negative consequences but I am type of person who is able to draw fast and logical conclusions. Learning on mistakes is one of my characteristics. I am person for who failure is a big opportunity to improve future actions and behaviours. Consistency, assiduity, logical thinking and attention to details make me a person who has an analytical mind.
Openness for new ideas, meeting different people, sharing and getting information with them let me be an employee who is capable of absorbing information and knowledge which in my opinion have key importance in successful and modern company.
During my study and previous jobs I have learned how to be a good team player, interact and cooperate with team members in order to achieve goals and objectives. I find myself as a good observer which allows me to make fast conclusions and decisions, judge people and adjust to the hardest situations. Positive thinking is one of my qualities. This kind of attitude makes my life much more easier because even the hardest task become reachable and worth to take a risk. I am cheerful and sociable type but also calculated, calm and critical when situation demands.
I fully understand requirements which you established to find new intern but I realize that understanding only cannot replace real challenges during everyday duties connected with work for your company. That is why I can’t wait for a moment when I will be allowed to be a part of highly developing team. I am sure that working for your company will be big pleasure, privilege and I will treat it as an opportunity to fulfill my ambitions. I look forward to speaking with you to discuss my interest in working for you. I appreciate your consideration and thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing in 'a' (bez przed) reply to an 'announcement' advertisement (that was) posted 'on' AT www........com.

I am applying for (przedimek) position in Intern Insurance Consulting Team.

I'd say:
... position of an insurance consulting intern. /chyba ze Intern Insurance Consulting Team to nazwa wlasna/

a jak wygląda reszta? Ujdzie?

the right attitude is the key
can have
the type of person
I am a person
attention to detail

dzięki wielkie, już poprawiam

potsed on www.., ON jest ok
po ..the position of (job opening title) - tutaj przed tym 'title' daj nic
I am the person for whoM.... po knowledge przecinek a dalsze zdanie do przerobki
THE requirements
nie pisz 'let me be' , przciez pisales juz allow me
zaduzo zdan wzglednych

jest wiecej rzeczy do poprawki ale jest zrozumiale

nie używaj contractions np. zamiast can't ma byc cannot.

Sav wiem, że jest ok. On jest tu amerykańskie. At brytyjskie. Jak oglądam jakiś program na bbc, to mówią (99%przypad.) if you would like to know more, go at www....
Przy jakiejkolwiek stronie iternetowej używają at. On też, ale rzadziej. Może at jest w j. formalnym? Może się mylę.

podobnie jest i z innymi przypadkami:
np.

open your book on (amerykanizacja języka ang.)
open ypur book at...
open your book to...

Skoro tak mowisz pewnie tak jest :)

To zalezy. Jesli to ma byc Twoja pierwsza praca, to ujdzie w tlumie podobnych listow. Jesli nie pierwsza, to skup sie na opisaniu swoich osiagniec.

Dear Sir/Madam (przecinek)

In a reply to an announcement 'that was' (niepotr) posted on www........com website, I am applying for (cos brak) position in (cos brak) Intern Insurance Consulting Team. 'Moreover' (calkowicie niepasujace slowo tutaj), I would like to add that I am ready and determined 'to be a part of' (cos tu nie tak) recruitment process which 'lead' (popraw) to getting this position in your company.
I consider myself 'as' (niepotr) a person who has the 'right profile' (co to jest? popraw) to do this job. In 'everyday life' (a jakie INNE zycie jest, jak nie everyday?) I am ambitious and I treat each task with full commitment and responsibility. I think that (cos brak) right attitude is a key 'to achieve' (popraw) any goal.
I am aware that every action can 'has' (zle slowo) negative consequences (przecinek) but I am (cos brak) type of person who is able to draw fast and logical conclusions. Learning 'on' (zle slowo) mistakes is one of my characteristics. I am (cos brak) person for 'who' (zle slowo) failure is a big opportunity to improve future actions and behaviours. 'Consistency, assiduity, logical thinking and attention to details make me a person who has an analytical mind' (to zdanie jest pozyczone z innego zrodla - moze i in ne tez sa, ale to jest razace).
Openness for new ideas, meeting different people, sharing and getting information with them 'let' (zle slowo) me be an employee who is capable of absorbing information and knowledge which in my opinion have key importance in (cos brak) successful and modern company.
During my 'study' (zle slowo) and previous jobs I have learned how to be a good team player, interact and cooperate with team members in order to achieve goals and objectives. I find myself 'as' (nie rozumiem uzycia tego slowa tutaj) a good observer which allows me to make fast conclusions and decisions, judge people and adjust to the 'hardest' (zle slowo) situations. Positive thinking is one of my qualities. This kind of attitude makes my life much more easier because even the hardest task 'become' (zle slowo) reachable and worth 'to take' (popraw) a risk. I am (cos brak) cheerful and sociable type but also 'calculated' (zle slowo), calm and critical when (cos brak) situation demands.
I fully understand (cos brak) requirements which you 'established' (zle slowo) to find (cos brak) new intern (przecinek przed 'but') but I realize that understanding only cannot replace real challenges during 'everyday duties' (popraw) connected with (cos brak) work for your company. That is why I 'can’t' (napisz to w calosci) wait for 'a' (zle slowo) moment when I 'will' (zle slowo) be allowed to be a part of (cos brak) highly developing team. I am sure that working for your company will be (cos brak) 'big' (za 'niskie' slowo) pleasure, privilege and I will treat it as an opportunity to fulfill my ambitions.
I look forward to speaking with you (brakuje pare slow tutaj) to discuss my interest in working for you. I appreciate your consideration and thank you for your time.

'Sincerely' (przeciez, jak jest Dear Sir/Madam - to piszemy Yours faithfully, dlaczego Ty akurat chcesz robic inaczej?).

Widac, ze niektore zdania sa pozyczone z innych zrodel.
Aha, a czy dla Ciebie przedimki (a, an, the) to jakas czarna magia? Dlaczego ich nie uzywasz? Czy myslisz, ze Tobie to akurat one nie sa potrzebne?