Czy Mogę Liczyć na 5 ?

Proszę o sprawdzenie jeśli to możliwe podkreślenie błędów i subiektywną opinie czy starczy na 5 (jestem w Liceum angielski poziom matura) bo jest mi potrzebna na koniec roku z góry bardzo dziękuję.
Napisz opowiadanie zaczynające się słowami "As soon as Roy opened the door, he knew something was wrong."

As soon as Roy opened the door, he knew something was wrong. The door were unlocked and that was strange because he exactly remembered locking them when he had been leaving in the morning. "Weird" thought Roy and slowly stepped forward. He switched on the lights and briskly examined living room. At the first glance it seamed fine so confused Roy took off his shoes and aimed his steps to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and started looking for the ice when he heard that something had fallen down upstairs. He was then absolutely sure that was a burglar. Roy switched off the lights, grabbed his cell phone called 112 and whispering explained what was going on. Police officer suggested to stay cool and hide if possible somewhere in a safe place in case burglar was armed and wait for police. Roy for his safety decided to leave the house and wait for police on the street. A quoter later police car stopped in front of his house. He quickly informed that the burglar was in his own bedroom. Police officers put up their guns and in the minute were opening Roy's bedroom doors with a kick. What they saw next was a scared to death almost naked Roy's new girlfriend who had wanted just to make him a surprise.

The 'door' n(chyba tu miales zamiar dac l. mn) were unlocked and that was strange because he 'exactly remembered' (zla kol slow) locking them when he 'had been leaving' LEFT in the morning. He switched on the lights and briskly examined (przedimek, ucieklt, bo sie bal ciemnosci?) living room. At 'the' (niepotr) first glance it 'seamed' (nie, nie, i nie - seam- to jest szew w parlanie krawieckim, tutaj SEEMED- ktore pochodzi od SEE-widziec) fine (przecinek, bo konczysz jedna mysl a zaczynasz druga) so confused Roy took off his shoes and aimed his steps to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and started looking for 'the ice' (cos mi tu nie siedzi) when he heard (|SOUNBD - on uslyszal SOUND ) OF 'that' (niepotr) something 'had fallen' FALLING down upstairs. He was then absolutely sure that (cos tu brakuje) was a burglar. Roy switched off the lights, grabbed his cell phone called 112 and IN A whispering VOICE explained (komu? nieznajomemu, policji?) what was going on. (przedimek) police officer suggested (komu? brakuje komu? nie mioge sie domyslac, ty musisz mi to napisac) to stay cool and hide 'if possible' (w zlym miejscu) somewhere in a safe place (if possible) in case (a przedimek?) burglar was armed and wait for (a gdzie przedimek?) police. 'Roy' (w zlym miejscu) For his safety, (przecinek) Roy decided to leave the house and wait for (przedimek) police on the street. A 'quoter' (ortog i brskuje reszty - czego?) later (przedimek) police car stopped in front of his house. He quickly informed (kogo? znajomego, musisz wyrazxnie napisac) that the burglar was in his own bedroom. Police officers 'put up' (napisalabym 'prepared') their guns and in 'the' (zly przedimek) minute were opening Roy's bedroom doors with a kick. What they saw next 'was a scared to' (co to jest...almost scared them to) death, (przeciunek, bo zaczynasz nowa mysl) 'almost naked' (na koncu zdania-tu jest zle miejsce) Roy's new girlfriend who had wanted just to 'make' (kalka z polskiego, tu GIVE-dac) him a surprise 'was almost naked' and..........(no i co robila, lezala na lozku oczekiwajac cos, czy sie przebierala, czy czytala ksiazke, a moze pila kawe, whisky?)
..a tak przy okazji co znsczy slowo 'almost' tutaj...czy to jest ta sama konotacja co 'almost pregnant.....

Dzięki jesteś niesamowity/niesamowita. Ale mam kilka pytań jeżeli mogę.

Nie rozumiem błędu w zdaniu: "The door were unlocked..."
"Zła kolokacja słów" - to znaczy że dane dwa słowa nie mogą zostać połączone czy są w złym szyku ?
"...locking them when he left in the morning." - czemu HAD LEFT byłoby źle w końcu opowiadam o przeszłości a wyszedł przed opisywanymi zdarzeniami to czy nie będzie tu czasu zaprzeszłego ?
Tam na końcu chciałem napisać że "Zobaczyli przestraszoną, prawie nagą nową dziewczynę Roy'a, która chciała zrobić mu niespodziankę." - wygląda na to że nie do końca mi to wyszło.
"Almost" ma tu znaczyć że prawie naga czyli np. w bieliźnie.

door to liczba pojedyncza
when powoduje, ze czynnosc leave jest rozpatrywana w odniesieniu do czynnosci lock. To byly czynnosci wykonywane jednoczesnie, dlatego nie moze byc tam czasu perfect

'that the burglar was in his own bedroom' zlodziej /jest/ w swojej wlasnej sypialni, moze zgub 'his own' i daj przedimek, sug.

Dzięki za odpowiedź. Poprawiony tekst prezentuje się tak ?

The door was unlocked and that was strange because he remembered precisely locking them when he left in the morning. "Weird" thought Roy and slowly stepped forward. He switched on the lights and rapidly examined the living room. At first glance it seemed fine, so confused Roy took off his shoes and aimed his steps to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and started looking for ice when he heard sound of something falling down upstairs. He was then sure that must have been a burglar. Roy switched off the lights, grabbed his cell phone, called police and in the whispering voice explained to a police officer what was going on. The police officer suggested him to stay cool and hide somewhere in a safe place if possible in case the burglar was armed and wait for Police. For his safety, Roy decided lo leave the house and wait for the police on the street. A quarter minutes later the police car stopped in front of his house. He quickly informed the police that the burglar is in the bedroom. Police officers prepared their guns and in a minute were opening Roy's bedroom doors with a kick. What the they saw inside was Roy's new girlfriend almost scared to death who was lying naked in the bed to give him a surprise.

Czy teraz będzie ok ?

The door was unlocked and that was strange because he remembered precisely locking 'them' (them odnosi sie do l. mnogiej, a jak juz masz 'door' to jest l. poj) when he left in the morning. "Weird" thought Roy and slowly'stepped' (ja wole slowo 'moved') forward.
At first glance it seemed fine, so 'confused Roy' (daj to inaczej...Roy, confused by the situation) took off his shoes and aimed his steps tWARDS the kitchen. He opened the fridge and started looking for ice when he heard (a gdzie jest moj maly przedimek? ) sound of something falling down upstairs. He was then sure that 'must have been' (nie, nie zadne 'been' bo to dzieje sie teraz....there must be a burglar upstairs) 'a burglar' (niepotr). Roy switched off the lights, grabbed his cell phone, called (hello- a gdzie przedimek?) police and in 'the' (zle slowo) whispering voice explained to a police officer what was going on. The police officer suggested (tu cos brak) him to stay cool and hide somewhere in a safe place if possible in case the burglar was armed. HE WAS TO 'and' (niepotr) wait for (a gdzie przedimek?) Police. For his safety, Roy decided lo leave the house and wait for the police 'on' (zle slowo) the street. A 'quarter' (niema czegos takiego jak 'quarter minutes, jest 'quarter of an hour', albo '15 minutes') minutes later the police car stopped in front of his house. He quickly informed the police that the burglar 'is' WAS in the bedroom. Police officers prepared their guns and 'in' (daj 'within' to daje znac, ze szybko sie ruszyli) a minute were opening Roy's bedroom doors with a (daj jaki? gentle, hard, loud?) kick. What the they saw inside was Roy's new girlfriend almost scared to death. SHE was lying naked in the bed. SHE WANTED TO give him a surprise, (and insteasd 'gave the officers an eyeful').

Pamietaj o tych przedimkach (a, an, the), bo Cie bede meczyla z tym az do skutku.

Wiadomo ze Roy's bedroom, wiec zgub 'Roy's', nawet jak byly podwojne drzwi ie. French door, wciaz napisz DOOR w l.poj., imo.

Dziękuję ślicznie wszystkim w szczególności Terri. Generalnie to myslałem że całkiem spoko mi poszło i została tylko profilaktyka ale sprawnie sprowadziłaś mnie na ziemię za to też wielkie dzięki. Teraz sam się dziwię jaki jestem cienki. Powinienem zmienić nick na PimpMyPrzedimki chyba że ktoś ma pomysł jak to opanować do przyszłego maja.

Jak bedziesz tutaj wklejal swoje prace (ktore zawsze beda mialy odpowiednie przedimki w odpowiednich miejscach) to przez rok duzo sie nauczysz. Dwie prace na dzien - to okolo 700 prac -