Esej, proszę o sprawdzenie

In the past parents had a huge impact of their children's life. They made decisions about education, work and marriage. Nowadays, young people are more independent and want to move out of family's house as fast as possible. The question we need to answer is: who influences youth more - friends or family?
It is hard to deny that parents want the best for their children. They know them the best, their habits, preferences, likes. Family support children, in order to make them successful by providing all the necessary assistance. It is also true that parents can advise on hard choices so that it is the most beneficial for children. Friends don't know us at all, so they can't point the best solution.
On the other hand, teenagers want to be popular. In order to endear to peers, they may start smoking or drinking. It can also be argued that teenagers spend more time with their friends at school than with their parents at home, so they become similar to them even unconsciously.
Finally, teenagers have the same problems and it makes them feel like close friends. This problems can be not understand by family.
To sum up, family has strong influence on kids but as kids grow up and become teens, friends have a stronger influence in their lives. In my view, it's better to follow parent's advices, but having good relations with friends is also very important.

In the past parents had a huge impact of their children's life. (a dzisiaj nie maja? nie mozemy tak generalizowac)
They made decisions about THEIR education, work and marriage. Nowadays, young people are more independent and want to move out of THE family's 'house' HOME as 'fast' QUICKLY as possible.
They know them the best, their habits, preferences(cos nie za bardzo lubie przecinka przed ostatnim slowem, lepiej OR) likes. Family supportS children, in order to make them successful by providing all the necessary assistance (w jaki sposob?). It is also true that parents can advise on 'hard' (daj inne slowo) choices so that 'it' (to ma sie zgadzac z 'choices-l. mn) 'is' ARE the most beneficial for (przedimek) children.
In order to endear (tutaj trzeba ...themselves to their) 'to' (niepotr) peers, they may start smoking or drinking. It can also be argued that teenagers spend more time with their friends at school than with their parents at home, so they 'become similar to them even unconsciously' (ja bym to zrobila inaczej, so they may, subconsciously, become..).
'This' (to ma sie zgadzac z problems'l.mn) problems 'can' MAY 'be' (niepotr) not BE 'understand' (understood) by THEIR OWN family.
To sum up, family has (przedimek) strong influence on kids (przecinek) but as kids grow up and become teens, friends have a stronger influence in their lives. In my view, it's better to follow 'parent's' (daj parents' - tzn. 2 osoby) 'advices' ADVICE, but having good relations with friends is also very important.