Opowiadanie maturalne - bad luck

Temat: Napisz opowiadanie, w którym podróż głównego bohatera przybiera nieoczekiwany obrót na skutek zgubienia czegoś ważnego.

It happaned so suddenly - Tom was fired 2 days ago. Boss said that he hadn't been efficient employee for a long time. It was a terrible situation for him - he was poor and hadn't even bought an insurance, which would have prevented him from such occurence. Within a week his house has been foreclosed and a wife told him that she was leaving. He didn't mind - their relationship hadn't been, even before, succesful and it is said that she was cheating on him. To tell you the true; they both were[czy może; so did he?]

He wanted to get away from it all. He have had a quite cozy cotton in the centre of the nearest forrest. Tom hasn't been there for ages - he used to visit this place as a child. He packed up and moved on. Unfortunately he didn't remember about taking a map.

Before midnight he realised he had lost. The forrest was very dense here and the place was really gloomy. It wasn't the best venue to stop, but Tom had to look for the map. Of course he didn't find it, what means[meant?] he got stuck in the middle of nowhere. While he was figuring out what to do, something enchained him. It was white as a sheet. He perceived he was looking on a woman. What is worse - dead woman. Tom was afraid of being suspected so he decided to leave this place. It took him some time to come back to the city, beacuse of the lack of map[beacuse of not having a map?]. He slept over at friend's flat.

Next day he was visited by police. Tom was told that the corpse belonged to his wife and there were a lot of of witnesses claiming they had seen his car in forrest. He was the main suspect in the investigation.

He have had a quite cozy cotton in the centre of the nearest forrest. Jak to można rozumieć. A o tych trupach w ostanim paragrafie to już zupełnie .... Zdanie - trup należał do żony??

Oj, mea culpa - He has had a quite cozy[...] i w sumie powinienem dodać np. since child lub for a long time, żeby pres. perf. uzasadnić, ogółem "posiada od[...] całkiem przytulną chatę w centrum najbliższego lasu, ale coś sam czułem, że te zdanie jakoś nie podchodzi.

A z ty trupem, ciałem - to jak to inaczej napisać, bo nie mam zielonego pojęcia.

(Tu chyba lepiej jakby dać, że jego boss :) ) Boss said that he hadn't been efficient employee for a long time. [How about being 'surplus to requirements'. - Chyba, że szef z tych chamowatych.]
he was poor - może lepiej powiedzieć, że spłukany, bo wnioskuję, że ta bieda wynika z utraty pracy.
a wife told him - może się mylę, ale ten przedimek tutaj nadaje dziwne znaczenie. Chyba, że ma wiele żon.
It was white as a sheet - something is as big as...
was looking on a woman - w tej sytuacji chyba looking at, sam mam zawsze problem ocenić kiedy to look on jest ok.
(przedimek) Next day - jest więcej brakujących przedimków, jak przeczytasz uważnie to zauważysz
Tom was told that the (I w tym miejscu, że “zwłoki jego żony zostały znalezione w lesie”) and there were a lot of of (zbyteczne) witnesses claiming they had seen his car in (przed.) forrest. (i wtakim przypadku, żeby nie było dwa razy forrest, to dać że w pobliżu miejsca zbrodni)

looking at

A pod kątem następstwa czasu(presenty, pasty, etc) to nie ma tam żadnych błędów? Bo w opowiadaniach to ta kwestia jest często moją bolączką.

Dzięki za pomoc (:

It (tutaj przydalo by sie slowo 'wszystko') 'happaned' (blad ortog) so suddenly - Tom was fired '2' (piszemy 'two) days ago. (brakuje slowa) boss said that he hadn't been (brak przedimka) efficient employee for a long time. 'It' (tutaj dalabym inne slowo) was a terrible situation for him - he was poor and hadn't even bought 'an' (zly przedimek i niepotr) insurance, which would have prevented him from (brak przedimka) such occurence. Within a week his house has been foreclosed and 'a' (to znaczy 'czyja' byla ta 'wife' , jak jego to musisz wyraznie napisac) wife told him that she was leaving. He didn't mind - their relationship hadn't been, even before (ale czego? tu brakuje cos) succesful and 'it is said' (nie lubie tego - to jak jagby z nikad on sie dowiedzial, lepiej dac konkrety, moze ktos mu podpowiedzial) that she was cheating on him. To tell 'you the true' (to jest zle, idion jest 'to tell the truth) 'they both were' (nie, to sie nie nadaje(czy może; so 'did' WAS he?- to jest lepiej, bo wiemuy juz ze ona to robila - a teraz on tez)]

He 'have' (niepotr) had a quite cozy 'cotton' (toi znaczy 'bawelna-material z kotrego szyje sie koszule i sukienki, chyba masz na mysli 'cottage' - ) in the centre of the nearest forrest.
He packed (ale co? siebie? rzeczy? musisz napisac) up and moved on (ale gdzie? musisz napisac to wyrazniej). Unfortunately (tu ma byc przecinek) he didn't remember 'about taking' (to wg mnie wyglada dziwnie, lepiej 'to take' - wzias) a map.

Before midnight he realised THAT he 'had' (zle slowo) lost.
It wasn't the best 'venue' (nie, to jest zle slowo tutaj, venue' to wiecej miejsce na uroczystosci, tutaj daj inne slowo) to stop, but Tom 'had to look' (zle pojecie, tutaj 'looked') for the map. Of course he didn't find it, 'what' (kalka z polskiego 'co' ale w ang. tak nie robimy, tutaj slowo 'which') [meant?- tak, to jest dobre slowo)] THAT he got stuck in the middle of nowhere. While he was figuring out what to do, something 'enchained' (cos nie za bardzo trafne slowo, nie rozumiem o co chodzi) him. It was AS white as a sheet. He perceived THAT he was looking 'on' (zle slowo- chyba miales na mysli AT) a woman. (ja bym tu dodala slowo BUT) what is worse - (brak przedimka) dead woman. Tom was afraid of being suspected (ale dlaczego? musisz napisac) so he decided to leave this place. It took him some time to come back to the city, 'beacuse' (hello? co to za slowo? popraw) 'of the lack of map' (nie tak)['beacuse' (ortog) of not having a map?- tak jest lepiej]. He slept over at (brak przedimka) friend's flat.

Next day he was visited by (brak przedimka) police. Tom was told that the corpse belonged to his wife and there were a lot of of witnesses claiming they had seen his car in (brak przedimka) forrest. He was the main suspect in the investigation (ale into what? jak to byla investigation? musisz napisac).

Masz problemy z tymi przedimkami (a, an, the) troche popracuj nad nimi. Reszta po poprawkach, bedzie ok, jak to zrobisz to wklej i sprawdzimy ponownie.

dlaczego przed insurance niepotrzebny przecinek? Bo to nie jest abstrakcyjne pojęcie i pojedyncze.
I czy za jakieś ciekawsze związki frazeologiczne czy idiomy, jak np. właśnie "surplus to requiments" praca jest lepiej oceniona? Jest na to jakaś rubryczka?
Dziękuję pięknie terri, browar, zielonosiwy i fiu za poświęcony czas :)

It all happened so suddenly - Tom was fired two days ago. The boss said that he hadn't been an efficient employee for a long time/surplus to requiments(choć osobiście boję się, że bym takiego zwrotu na maturze zapomniał). This was a terrible situation for him - he was poor and hadn't even bought insurance, which would have prevented him from a such occurence. Within a week his house has been foreclosed and his wife told him that she was leaving. He didn't mind - their relationship hadn't been succesful even before and he was said that she had been cheating on him. To tell the true; so was he.

He wanted to get away from it all. He have had a quite cozy cottage in the centre of the nearest forrest. Tom hasn't been there for ages - he used to visit this place as a child. He packed up himself and moved on there. Unfortunately, he didn't remember to take a map.

Before midnight he realised that he has lost. The forrest was very dense here and the place was really gloomy. It wasn't the best location to stop, but Tom must looked[chcę zaznaczyć, że musiał sprawdzić gdzie jest, samo looked mi raczej tego nie daje] for the map. Of course he didn't find it, which meant that he got stuck in the middle of nowhere. While he was figuring out what to do, something enchained[ him[coś zwróciło jego uwagę, ale sam tu nie byłem i nie jestem przekonany]. It was as white as a sheet. He perceived that he was looking at a woman but what is worse - a dead woman. Tom was afraid of being suspected, because he was the only one person here and he hadn't seen anyone elese here, so he decided to leave this place. It took him some time to come back to the city, because of not having a map. He slept over at a friend's flat.

The next day he was visited by the police. Tom was told that the corpse belonged to his wife and there were a lot of of witnesses claiming they had seen his car in thescene of the crime. He was the main suspect in the murder investigation.

Czy jest taki insurance, który zapobiega utraceniu pracy i /lub/ biedzie? Ot tylko tak sobie pytam:))

Zapobiegać to raczej nie, niemniej wydaje mi się, że ubezpieczenia, a konkretniej umowa, mogą zawierać warunek w stylu pewnego odszkodowania na wypadek utraty pracy :)

Są takie ubezpieczenia, przynajmniej w Polsce. Choć niezbyt chyba popularne :)
Co do tego "surplus to requirements" (w tekście masz z błędem napisane), to nie wiem czy na maturze to jakoś lepiej wypunktują. Od moje własnej minęło już wiele lat, więc nie jestem zorientowany. Myślę jednak, że warto znać parę niestandardowych zwrotów, najlepiej takich uniwersalnych, żeby dało się wsadzić je do różnych tekstów.