Rzuć okiem !

Do mistrza gramatyki mi daleko, dlatego chciałabym prosić, żeby ktoś mógł spojrzeć na mój esej i zobaczyć gdzie popelniłam błędy i co można poprawić.

The public is generally more interested in celebrities private lives than their achievements. That is the reason why journalists violate the intimacy of celebrities and as a result tabloids earn huge among of money.
The major reason why celebrities should be allowed to keep their private lives private is that famous people have the same rights as all citizens. One of them is the right to privacy and this means that no one is allowed to publish facts related to personal life without a permission. Observation of this right should not depend on what profession we do.
Furthermore, notoriously observation of the media lead that celebrities are in constantly stress and fear of doing something improperly. Many of these people admit that their relatives also suffer because of living in constant suspense of being observed. The result is the unnatural behavior of the celebrities, who cannot afford to be natural, because they are expected to look and act impeccably.
On the other hand, it is said that celebrities choose this lifestyle themselves, with awareness what consequences it brings and they should not demand more privacy, because this is the natural price of the fame..
Secondly, it is common belief that celebrities have a responsibility to show fans what they do in daily lives or what their house and family looks like, since they owe them theirs careers.
To sum up, famous people have full rights to privacy, but because of the human curiosity is hard to make it respected. In my opinion journalism must have its limits and the personal affairs that do not break the law should be protected.

The public is generally more interested in 'celebrities' (to jest ciekawe, ja wolalabym apostr na koncu slowa) private lives than their achievements. That is the reason why journalists violate the intimacy (mozesz dopisac w jaki sposob...bo to ze ktos 'violates another' nie daje nam znac w jaki sposob oni na tym zarabiaja) of celebrities and as a result tabloids earn huge 'among' (zle slowo, nie to mialas na mysli) of money.
One of 'them' (lepiej napisz 'these rights') is the right to privacy and this means that no one is allowed to publish facts related to personal life (ale kogo? mozesz napisac ...of an individual) without 'a' (niepotr) (ale dodalabym 'jej/jego') permission. Observation of this right should not depend on what profession 'we' (od kiedy 'we' tutaj masz na mysli 'a person') doES.
Furthermore, 'notoriously' (zla czesc mowy) observation of the media 'lead' (nie, tutaj nie to sloow, masz na mysli ...results') IN that celebrities are in 'constantly' (zla czesc mowy) stress and fear of doing something 'improperly' (to jest zle slowo, pierwsze, zla czesc mowy a drugie - ze pom,ysl jak mozna zrobic cos 'properly').
The result is the unnatural behavior of the celebrities, who cannot afford to be natural, because they are expected to look and act impeccably.(zdanie jest ok, i wiem co masz na mysli, ze to, ze ktos wyglada ladnie/ladnie umalowany nie moze liczyc sie jako 'unnatural' )
On the other hand, it is said that celebrities choose this lifestyle themselves, with awareness 'what' (zle slowo, tutaj 'of the') consequences THAT it brings and they should not demand more privacy, because this is the 'natural' (nie, bo zeby cos bylo natural to musi byc od dawna, uzgodnione...tutaj napisz 'ultimate') price of 'the' (niepotr) fame..
Secondly, it is (brak przedimka) common belief that celebrities have a responsibility to show fans what they do in daily lives or what their house and family looks like, since they owe 'them' (daj 'the fans' dlatego, ze zdanie nie jest jasno napisane) 'theirs' (nie, slowo jest THEIR) careers.
To sum up, famous people have full rights to privacy, but because of the human curiosity is hard to 'make it' (niepotr) respect IT.

Jest tez cos takiego jak 'in the public interest' np. gdy pijany celebryta wpada na drzewo, albo zachowuje sie niegodnie....

Bardzo dziękuje że poświęciłeś na to czas ! jestem świadoma że niektóre zdania są niejasne, przydaloby sie coś dopisać, uzupelnić, ale niestety limit do 270 słów spowodował że i tak już wycięłam wiele i teraz mialam idealnie 270.

but because of the human curiosity, it is hard to respect it

W tym zdaniu " but because of the human curiosity is hard to make it respected" nie miałam na myśli że nam jest ciężko przestrzegać tego prawa, a to że pomimo, że istnieje prawna regulacja tej kwestii, ciężko jest sprawić aby było ono respektowane

to zdanie jest niegramatyczne, podalem moja propozycje poprawy