rozprawka za i przeciw (wady i zalety użycia smartfonów)

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
Dzień dobry.
Może znalazłby ktoś chwilę, aby sprawdził rozprawkę (za i przeciw) i dał wskazówki, co można byłoby poprawić, aby było lepiej, może bardziej naturalnie. Z góry dziękuję za pomoc.

Smartphones are believed to be one of the best devices that are hugely included in our daily lives. Although smartphones make our lives easier, there are also some disadvantages involved.

One argument in favour of smartphones is that they have become practical tools for people of all ages. Due to smartphones, people are given a chance to connect with their family or acquaintances instantly. We are not limited to making calls or texting, but we can also communicate using applications for online chatting or video calling. It is also believed that smartphones are used for safety reasons; thanks to smartphones parents and their children are just one message away. Apart from being a handy device, smartphones are also viewed as a good source of entertainment. Not only do smartphone users have an opportunity to listen to music on Youtube or watch films on Netflix but they can also play their favourite games. Last but not least, due to access to the Internet, all the information we need to know is at hand. For instance, if you should happen to be lost sometime, it will help you to navigate to a destination.

However, some people are opposed to using smartphones because they may lead to health problems. According to scientific research, radiation from smartphones may cause some serious diseases, for instance, tumours. What is more, opponents of smartphones state that they may bring nothing but an addiction. People lying on the sofa and scrolling Facebook or other social media become ensnared and forget about the whole world. As a result, they neglect their duties, family and friends.

On the whole, there are both advantages and disadvantages of smartphones. Regardless of the negative impact on our social lives, smartphones seem to be an inseparable element of our daily routine.
hugely included commonly included?
Due to smartphones thanks to smartphones?
if you should happen to be lost sometime, should you happen to get lost
it will help you to navigate to a destination. the built in navigation system will help you reach your destination
for instance, tumours such as brain tumours
opponents of smartphones state that they may bring nothing but an addiction. the opponents...... that the constant use of smartphones may lead to addiction

Jeszcze bym cos napisala, ze ludzie przestaja ze soba rozmawiac, ze tekstuja bedac nawet w tym samym domu, ze kontakty miedzyludzkie sie kurcza i ze dobrze by bylo utrzymac rownowage (use in moderation/ they are overly used itp)
Dzięki wielkie za odpowiedź. Mam pytanie, czy wyrażenia "due to" i "thanks to" nie można używać zamiennie, w znaczeniu dzięki czemuś/ komuś?
due to to raczej "z powodu" , " na skutek"

To mi sie nie podoba, przerobilabym to na bardziej ogolne podsumowanie jw w uwagach, wyrzucilabym ta kanape i social media, napisalabym ze ludzie naduzywaja smartph i zanikaja prawdziwe kontakty miedzyludzkie.

People lying on the sofa and scrolling Facebook or other social media become ensnared and forget about the whole world. As a result, they neglect their duties, family and friends.
Jeszcze raz dzięki. Napisałbym tak:
It is worth mentioning that smartphones negatively affect our interpersonal relationships. Looking at a mobile phone rather than interacting with the person you are with may also harm your bond with your family.
A moze tak?

It is also worth mentioning that overused electronic communication may undermine family bonding, as well as negatively affect interpersonal human relationships in general.

Przepisz cale poprawione, moze ktos jeszcze zrobi proof reading.
Dzięki jeszcze raz za każdą wskazówkę i wklejam poprawiony tekst.

Smartphones are believed to be one of the best devices that are commonly included in our daily lives. Although smartphones make our lives easier, there are also some disadvantages involved.

One argument in favour of smartphones is that they have become practical tools for people of all ages. Thanks to smartphones, people are given a chance to connect with their family or acquaintances instantly. We are not limited to making calls or texting, but we can also communicate using applications for online chatting or video calling. It is also believed that smartphones are used for safety reasons; thanks to smartphones parents and their children are just one message away. Apart from being a handy device, smartphones are also viewed as a good source of entertainment. Not only do smartphone users have an opportunity to listen to music on Youtube or watch films on Netflix but they can also play their favourite games. Last but not least, due to access to the Internet, all the information we need to know is at hand. For instance, should you happen to get lost, the built-in navigation system will help you reach your destination

However, some people are opposed to using smartphones because they may lead to health problems. According to scientific research, radiation from smartphones may cause some serious diseases such as brain tumours. What is more, opponents of smartphones state that the constant use of smartphones may lead to addiction. It is also worth mentioning that overused electronic communication may undermine family bonding, as well as negatively affect interpersonal human relationships in general.

On the whole, there are both advantages and disadvantages of smartphones. Regardless of the negative impact on our social lives, smartphones seem to be an inseparable element of our daily routine.
edytowany przez student161616: 28 gru 2022
No big deal but …
I would mention Internet access earlier in the essay because without it you can't do any video chatting or watch YouTube or Netflix etc.
edytowany przez Aaric: 28 gru 2022
no sluszna uwaga:

due to access to the Internet we are not limited
reszta moze zostac bz
moze na przyszlosc:
slowa ktore sa uzywane w 'textspeak' takie jak b4, czy inne staja sie 'norma' dla ludzi. Pozniej jest trudno sie oddzwyczaic od tego i pisac poprawnie.
slowa ktore sa uzywane w 'textspeak' takie jak b4,
zajelo mi chwile zanim zalapalam co to jest b4 :))). To chyba tylko mlodziez tak textuje. Ja sporo tekstuje z koniecznosci i piszemy normalnie.
Temat przeniesiony do archwium.

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