jeszcze jedna posba o spawdzenie

Witam,
Jeśli miałby ktoś chwilke czasu, to prosilbym o rzucenie okiem na ponizszy tekst. Ma to byc odpowiedz na list umieszczony w gazecie, ktory prawil, ze dzisiejsza mlodziez jest glosna i niegrzeczna, dzieci duzo krzycza, a starsze osoby sa ciche i spokojne. Argumenty, których użyłem zasugerowane zostały w poleceniu do zadania.

Dear Sir or Madam
I am writing to complain about the letter that was published in yesterday’s “Daily Post”. I do not agree with most of the statements presented in the article.
First of all, it is not true that all the young people are noisy and aggressive. This is a sweeping generalization. In my experience, most of youth people are definitely polite. And of course, they might be in a hurry sometimes, but – for example - they have to get to work or school on time.
And do you really think that all of the old people are calm and quiet? This is another oversimplification. I have seen a lot of scenes when even elderly people were impatient and got extremely aggressive.
I agree that children are very noisy. But they are not noisier that they used to be. They have always played and they have always shouted and screamed. Nothing has changed.
In conclusion, I think we should be more tolerant of each other. What is more, some work on our patience would be the best solution for the problem of just a little noisy and impolite people around us.
Yours sincerely,
XYZ

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to complain about the letter that was published in
yesterday's (moze lepiej podac dokladna date np in the 24th of May issue of the) “Daily Post". (ale tutaj nie mowisz o czym, jaki mial tytul ten article- chyba mieli wiecej jak jeden)
First of all, (in my view) it is not true that all the young people are noisy and aggressive. In my experience, (based on what?) most of 'youth' (the young) people are definitely polite. 'And of course' (tutaj wyglada tak, jakby brakowalo zdania przed tym 'and of course), they might be in a hurry sometimes, 'but' (zle slowo, lepiej WHEN) - for example they have to get to work or TO school on time.
And do you really think that all of the 'old people' (to mnie obuzylo!! Kogo TY nazywasz 'old'? Tych powyzej 18tu lat???) are calm and quiet.
I have (dodalabym 'myslelf') 'seen' (lepiej 'experienced') a lot of scenes when even 'elderly people' (to znaczy starsi of tych old?) were impatient and got extremely aggressive.
'I agree that children are very noisy' (ale w pierwszym zdaniu, mowisz ze nie, lepiej dodac ..that children CAN BE).
But they are not noisier 'that' THAN 'they' (ale kot to jest tym 'they' te same dzieci kiedy byly mlodsze, czy dzieci w pojeciu ogolnym?) used to be.
In conclusion, I think we should be more tolerant 'of' TO each other' (to znaczy ten redaktor do ktorego piszesz i Ty?)
What is more, some work on 'our' (to znaczy moja i twoja?-czy wszystkich ludzi?) patience would be the best solution for the problem of just 'a little' (jabym dala 'sometimes') noisy and impolite people around us.
'Yours sincerely' (generalnie, jak zaczynamy listy Dear Sir/Madam, to konczymy Yours faithfully)

ponownie dziekuje za poprawki.
Co do zwrotów - "old people", "children" oraz ich znaczen, to moj blad, ze nie podalem calego listu, na ktory tekst mial byc odpowiedzia. Faktycznie, jak sie czyta moja prace, nie biorac pod uwage kontekstu, to niektore uzyte okreslenia moga byc mylace.

pozdr.