Proszę o sprawdzenie rozprawki

Rozprawka nt noszenia mundurków w szkole. Moja pierwsza rozprawka, więc prosiłbym o szczegółowe zaznaczenie błędów. Z góry dziękuję.



A man doesn`t live alone. He need contact with other people. So that, in distant times people amalgamates a group, which distinguishes(have) some characteristic. These makes them a member of group. It was everything for example a painted face, a kind of weapon or attire. Now is the same. It is that why in the school are uniform clothes. There are those who think that uniform wearing is better way to learn at school.
Firstly, I will show that there are a advantages to wearing uniforms. To begin, the students learn by experience discipline, because they have to wearing the same every day. What is more, the students concentrate better and don`t think “what should I wear today?”. In addition, uniforms wearing help identify intruders in the school. So, it help students resist peer pressure to buy trendy clothes.
Even if, it gives many advantages there are equally disadvantages. To start with, uniforms are useless outside the school. Secondly, it gives limit of expression. Finally, there are those who believe that a law exists to be broken. So that, students could do anything not to wear uniforms. They should concentrate of themselves education!
To sum up I think that uniforms could be good idea if it have curious look and it is all-body(complete) uniform. Personally, I hate uniforms if they have to be my daily clothes.

generalnie, bedac szczerym, skopana troche ta rozprawka, bledy za bledem, czasem wychodza dziwne i niezrozumiale rzeczy. Widac kalke z polskiego. W mnogiej liczbie czasownik w present simple nie ma koncowki 's' wiec np. makes nie moze byc tylko 'make' - bo to odnosisz do liczby mnogiej.
- advantages of sth
- to begin with
- ja bym powiedzial wearing a unifrom...bla bla bla
- concentrate on

i wiele innych rzeczy. moze znajdzie sie ktos kto bedzie mial tyle sily i ci to poprawi. pozdro

generalnie, bedac szczerym, skopana troche ta rozprawka, bledy za bledem, czasem wychodza dziwne i niezrozumiale rzeczy. Widac kalke z polskiego. W mnogiej liczbie czasownik w present simple nie ma koncowki 's' wiec np. makes nie moze byc tylko 'make' - bo to odnosisz do liczby mnogiej.
- advantages of sth
- to begin with
- ja bym powiedzial wearing a unifrom...bla bla bla
- concentrate on

i wiele innych rzeczy. moze znajdzie sie ktos kto bedzie mial tyle sily i ci to poprawi. pozdro

generalnie, bedac szczerym, skopana troche ta rozprawka, bledy za bledem, czasem wychodza dziwne i niezrozumiale rzeczy. Widac kalke z polskiego. W mnogiej liczbie czasownik w present simple nie ma koncowki 's' wiec np. makes nie moze byc tylko 'make' - bo to odnosisz do liczby mnogiej.
- advantages of sth
- to begin with
- ja bym powiedzial wearing a unifrom...bla bla bla
- concentrate on

i wiele innych rzeczy. moze znajdzie sie ktos kto bedzie mial tyle sily i ci to poprawi. pozdro

A man 'doesn`t' (zle slowo- bo nie o tym myslisz) live alone. He 'need' (tutaj jest czasownik 3os.l.poj - popraw) contact with other people.
'So that' (zle po9jecie), in distant times people 'amalgamates' (zmien) a group, which WAS distinguisheD BY some characteristic. These (tutaj brakuje rzeczoiwnika) (teraz mysle, ze 'these' to jest zle slowo) makes them a member of group. 'It' (do czego to jest?) was everything for example a painted face, a kind of weapon or AN attire. Now IT is the same. 'It is that' (zle pojecie - zmien) why in the school are uniformS. 'clothes' (niepotr).
There are those who think that BY 'uniform wearing' (zmien slowa..wearing...) is better way to learn at school.
Firstly, I will show that there are 'a' (niepotr) advantages to wearing
uniforms. To begin WITH, the students learn by experiencING discipline,
because they have to'wearing' WEAR the same (ale same co?) every day.
What is more, the students concentrate better and don`t think “what should I wear today?".(dobre zdanie) In addition, uniforM wearing helpS TO identify intruders in the school. So, it 'help' (it to 3os.l.poj-dostosuj czasownik do tego) students resist peer pressure to buy trendy clothes.
BUT even if, it gives many advantages there are equally MANY disadvantages.
To start with, uniforms are useless outside the school.(dobre zdanie)
Secondly, 'it' (do czego to it sie odnosi) gives A limit of expression. Finally, there are those who believe that a law exists ONLY to be broken. So that, students 'could' WILL do anything not to wear THEIR uniforms. They should concentrate 'of' ON 'themselves' THEIR education!
To sum up I think that uniforms could be A good idea if 'it' (ale jak dajesz 'uniforms' w l. mn. to THEY) have A 'curious' (zle slowo) look and it is 'all-body(complete)' (tego nie rozumiem) uniform.
Personally, I hate uniforms if they have to be my daily clothes.(zdanie ok)

Wielkie dzięki za pomoc. Jak pisałem jest to moja 1. rozprawka a ng się uczę dopiero rok ;] dlatego jak było powiedziane kalkowałem z polskiego. Ale do rad się zastosuję i myślę, że wystarczy.
Pozdrawiam.