Mógłby ktoś sprawdzić Opinion Essay?

Witam wszsytkich, jestem nowy na forum, więc jak umieszcze cos zle to prosze sie od razu na mnie nie denerwowac, ucze sie:-) Mam do was mala prosbe. Potrzebuję aby był ktoś tak miły i sprawdził moj opinion essay na temat 'Does advertising promote excessive consumerism?' - mysle ze jest napisane mniej wiecej na temat, ale nie mam pewnosci co do budy tego essayu. Bylbym bardzo wdzieczny za pomoc. a oto wypracowanko :

Advertising is an effective way of selling new products, and many people argue that its effectiveness brainwashes us into unnecessary spending. In arguments below you can see that advertising increases selling well-known and frequently shown products. Is it effective? Are you buying products which are well advertised.
One of the main arguments for advertising is that it can show us an interesting and useful product. A lot of advertisements are shown in the evenings because then is the highest rate of watching TV. A lot of people buy products which are well and often advertised, because of thinking when something is frequently shown, it has to be useful. When someone will see something like “70% off” on the shop’s door they enter without thinking and buy even not needed goods.

What is more, advertising raises money for a huge number of sporting events and artistic performance. Without sponsorship from companies who advertise their products, these events would disappear because of lack of founding. In other words, consumerism is promoted through advertising. Moreover, the number of jobs created for producing, marketing and servicing these goods helps to reduce the unemployment problem

On the other hand, advertisements can cause people to be dissatisfied with what they already have, and make them want more. The most annoying thing for the most of people, is when it comes to advertisements is that these last too long, especially when we watch a movie or an interesting show. We have to wait more than ten minutes to see the same advertising over and over again.
To sum up, all people are buying goods which are frequently shown on TV or billboards. In my opinion advertisement increases excessive consuming because well-off people buy things which are not necessary and useless for them. Arguments against are not as strong as those against. I strongly believe that it is true – we buy things which are often shown on Tv. In addition advertising creates materialism and causes people to place too much importance on material goods.

Advertising is an effective way of selling new products, and many
people argue that its effectiveness brainwashes us into unnecessary
spending. (nie jestem pewna, ze sam to zdanie napisales)
In arguments below you can see that advertising increases 'selling' THE SALES OF well-known and frequently shown products.
A lot of advertisements are shown in the evenings because then THERE 'is' the highest rate of watching TV. A lot of people buy products which are well and often advertised, because 'of thinking' THEY THINK THAT when something is frequently shown, it has to be useful. When someone 'will see' SEES something like “70% off" on 'the' A shop's door they enter (ale co? the shop) without thinking and buy 'even not needed goods' (napisz to inaczej...goods which they do not even need).
What is more, advertising raises money for a huge number of sporting
events and artistic performanceS. Without sponsorship from companies
who advertise their products, these events would disappear because of
lack of 'founding' (zle slowo).
The most annoying thing for 'the' (niepotr) most of people, 'is' (niepotr) when it comes to advertisements is that these last too long, especially when we watch a movie or an interesting show. We have to wait more than ten minutes 'to' (nie wiem, czy rozpoznajesz roznice pomiedzy 'to see' i 'and see' pomysl ktora lepiej pasuje) see the same advertising over and over again.
To sum up, all people 'are buying' BUY goods which are frequently shown on
TV or ON billboards. In my opinion advertisement increases excessive
'consuming' CONSUMPTION because THE well-off people buy things which are not necessary and useless for them.
Arguments against are not as strong as those against.....Pomysl o tym zdaniu.

Mysle, ze w rozprawce nie powinnies dawac swojej opinii, tylko argumenty za i przeciw.

Prawda, pierwszego zdania sam nie napisalem:P .dzieki wielkie za poświęcony czas! Wczesniej właśnie napisalem argumenty za i przeciw, i dostalem banie bo powiedziano mi ze to nie jest opinion essay, kazano mi w pierwszym akapicie jasno wyrazic swoja opinie, w 2 kolejnych punkty widzenia i w nastepnym przeciwny punkt widzenia, a w podsumowaniu ponowne wyrazenie wlasnej opini tylko innymi slowami, nie kloce sie bo nie wiem na bank, mowie tylko jak mnie poinformowano.

To ktoś źle Cię uczy.

Wstęp- opinia
Dwa lub trzy argumenty za Twoją opinią
Jeden preciw
Zakończenie- podsumowanie, opinia