PILNA POMOC W SPRAWDZENIU

Prosze o szybkie sprawdzenie pracy......nieukrywam ze jest to dla mnie ważne, poniewaz muszę jaodac jutro tzn. do godziny 8 rano ;)
przepraszam za kłopot i z góry dziękuje:) :****


All the children, students, people use a computer. It have bad and good countenance.Many peoples are computer addiction. You think that the net is super? You think that computer an Net help you in learn? You do huge error!

First of all computer help you in do your homework. You can learn more. You can use the Net to obtain information. But the net doesn't evolve your intelligence. For example, download plagiary and don't do your homework single-handedly.

The computer help many peoples in their jobs. Computerdenvelop skills, which they will use later in life. Secretary, informatik, shop assistant use the computer, which is very necessary in their work.

But use computer have bad countenance. if you use computer every day long time, you damage your eyes. Computer cause headache, ocular crisis, askew backbone. Computer impairs on our health, damages our life.

however children adore spend free time play games or surf on the net instead of studying. They wast their time, which children can allocate on read books or taking up a soprt.

If children spend more time use the computer, rents don't have, but can get into debt because son or daughter can do online shopping on substantial amount.

To sum up, computer is good or bad. He help our but however dirty. If peoples use computer wiht deliberation, they can dodge after-effects canditional from computer. Computer is very necessary for our life, but ones carry more breakages than accession in our life.

All people use computers, which has a lot of merits but disadvantages as well. Many people are addicted to computers. Do you think the Internet is great? Do you think that a computer and the Internet help you in studying? If you do, you are totally wrong.
First of all, a computer helps you in doing your homework. Thanks to it, you can learn more. You can use the Internet to obtain information. But the Internet doesn't broaden your intellligence. W ostatnim zdaniu nie wiem o co Ci chodzi, więc nie poprawię.
Tutaj powinno być jakieś "secondly" na początku na przykład. Dalej - A computer helps many people in their jobs. A computer developes skills which in the long run are needed. Secretaries, shop assistants use computers as it is necessary in their job.
Tutaj już lepiej "although" a nie "but". Although using a computer has some disadvantages. Using a computer everyday for a long time is really harmful to your eyes.

Dalej nie dam rady bo dla mnie to bełkot. Na pewno masz w książce jakieś przykłady, zobacz jaką formę ma rozprawka, bo to jej w ogóle nie przypomina, poza tym treść jest tragiczna, zero spójności, sensownych przykładów, opinie poparte bezsensownymi argumentami albo w ogóle nieuzasadnione.

Ok. trochę Ci pomogę.
Napisz we wstępie coś w stylu:
Nowadays more and more people meet and keep in touch via the Internet. It has become really popular not only among teenagers but also among adults. Thanks to the Internet it is easier to obtain some information and start a new relationship. It seems that there are only merits of this relatively new invention, but the more we think about it, the more disadvantages we discern.
Następny paragraf, zacznij od "first of all", napisz zaletę i do niej argument.
Następny paragraf, zacznij od "secondly", napisz zaletę i do niej argument.
Następny paragraf, zacznij od "on the other hand", napisz wadę i do niej argument.
Następny paragraf, zacznij od "what is more", napisz wadę i do niej argument.
I ostatni paragraf - "all in all" i tutaj ma być balanced opinion, np. All in all, I reckon that there is nothing wrong about using the Internet, but people should be aware of the dangers it might cause; bla bla bla...
Pierwszy paragraf ma być objętościowo taki sam jak ostatni.

Dziękuję bardzo za szybka pomoc :)