Proszę o sprawdzenie formalnego "podania o pracę".

Witam,
piszę z prośbą o sprawdzenie poniższego tekstu w celu znalezienia błędów gramatycznych których na pewno jest masa =) Oraz zmiany na bardziej formalny wydźwięk.
Jest to odpowiedź na punkt:
- Short Description of yourself & Why you are applying for the job.
Chodzi o przyjęcie do grupy osób które będą pomagać w utrzymaniu porządku w pewnej grze.
Z góry dziękuje za wszelką pomoc,
Bartek.

I am a young man living and studying in Poland. In free time I am meeting my friends or playing computer games. Few years ago I discovered MapleStory game. First version I tried was Global MapleStory, then I switched to S.E.A. version, and after around a year I started playing MapleStory Europe. I got really fascinated by this game, and loved it. The only things I never liked in any version were hackers and rule abusers. I have been always trying to report them somehow. On Global and S.E.A. versions I were using only IN-Game report button at abusers. While playing on MapleStory Europe I started sending Emails of Inquiry. I was really interested in helping defeating hackers and other rules abusers. Many times I informed GM about abusers IN-Game by whispering them. After some time I joined “Better MSE Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow” group. But I had to stop sending Emails of Inquiry for around 1 month due to private reasons and got excluded from that group. Now I am sure I will be able to find 1-2 or even more hours each day to help GMs making MSE better. As I were member of “Better MSE Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow” group, I know a lot about rule abusers, hackers and I can easily notice an user using hacking programs. What more I am experienced player, so I know places that are highly occupied by hackers. I can promise I will do my best to help.

Yours Faithfully,
Orthodox

>
>I am a young man living and studying in Poland. DRUGIE ZDANIE WYRZUCILBYM A few years ago I discovered MapleStory. THE first version I tried was Global MapleStory, then I switched to S.E.A., and after ABOUT a year I started playing MapleStory Europe. I WAS really fascinated by this game, and loved it. The only things I never liked in any version were hackers and rule abusers. I have always TRIED to report them somehow. On Global and S.E.A. versions I only USED THE IN-Game report button TO REPORT abusers. While playing MapleStory Europe I started sending Emails of Inquiry. I was really interested in helping TO defeat hackers and other rule abusers. Many times I informed GM about abusers IN-Game by whispering ROZUMIEM, ZE TO TAKIE WEWNETRZNE OKRESLENIE? them. After some time I joined THE “Better MSE Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow" group, but I had to stop sending Emails of Inquiry for around 1 month due to private reasons and WAS excluded from that group. Now I am sure I will be able to find 1-2 or even more hours each day to help GMs making MSE better. As A PAST member of “Better MSE Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow" group, I know a lot about rule abusers, hackers and I can easily notice A user using hacking programs. I am ALSO AN experienced player, so I know places that are COMMONLY occupied by hackers. I can promise I will do my best to help.

Nie wydaje mi się, żeby trzeba było zmieniać ton na bardzo oficjalny. w gruncie rzeczy tylko 'got' było potoczne, reszta to poprawki gramatyczne

Bardzo dziękuje za błyskawiczną odpowiedź.
Zgodnie z Twoimi radami wyrzuciłem 2 zdanie i poprawiłem błędy [nawet nie było ich tyle ilu się spodziewałem =)]. I tak, whispering to wewnętrzne określenie w grze. Po zmianach wygląda to tak:

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I am a young man living and studying in Poland. A few years ago I discovered MapleStory. the first version I tried was Global MapleStory, then I switched to S.E.A., and after about a year I started playing MapleStory Europe. I was really fascinated by this game, and loved it. The only things I never liked in any version were hackers and rule abusers. I have always tried to report them somehow. On Global and S.E.A. versions I only used the IN-Game report button to report abusers. While playing MapleStory Europe I started sending Emails of Inquiry. I was really interested in helping to defeat hackers and other rule abusers. Many times I informed GM about abusers IN-Game by whispering them. After some time I joined the “Better MSE Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow" group, but I had to stop sending Emails of Inquiry for around 1 month due to private reasons and was excluded from that group. Now I am sure I will be able to find 1-2 or even more hours each day to help GMs making MSE better. As a past member of “Better MSE Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow" group, I know a lot about rule abusers, hackers and I can easily notice a user using hacking programs. I am also an experienced player, so I know places that are commonly occupied by hackers. I can promise I will do my best to help.

Yours Faithfully,
Orthodox
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Jeśli ktoś ma jeszcze jakieś sugestie to czekam proszę pisać, z wysłaniem maila czekam do jutra.

przed drugim wystapieniem nazwy grupy tez trzeba dodac the.