Prosze o sprawdzenie opowiadania

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
Witam. Prosze o sprawdzenie opowiadania i poprawienia błędów. Zadanie pisane szybko, bo mam je już na jutro. Pisałam sama a pomysł wzięłam z innych zadań, które się już tutaj pojawiały. Dziękuję za pomoc :)

When the classroom door opened, everybody went silent.
To the classroom came Mr Brown.Everybody was very nervous because he was our new teacher and we had to write a test.
Moreover, we had heard many badly things about him.
Our new teacher had very serious expression and we were scared. While we were preparing to writing Mr Brown opened a journal and started to check attendances.
Suddenly, he stopped, looked at us and asked:
'Why are you so nervous?'
Nobody answered, so he backed to checking attendances.
The moment he finished a policeman came to the classroom.
'Your friend, Bobby had ecsaped from his home. Do you know anything about it?'- he asked.
Everyone died away. One of our classmate, Kris stood up and then excited with the police officer.The boy told him that Bobby has been recently very sad because older students had been laughing about him that he was a fat.
He didn't manage with it.
When Kris came back to the classroom he told us about Bobby's problems, too.
Mr Brown proposed walking besides of writing the test. While we were walking through a park we met Bobby. After long conversation he understood that he shouldn't worried. Thanks to our help Bobby came back home and what's more, our new teacher turned out a fantastic person.
When the classroom door opened, everybody went silent. (to jest prawie z Madame Bovary)
Moreover, we had heard many 'badly' (zla czesc zdania) things about him.
While we were preparing 'to writing' (popraw) Mr Brown opened a journal and started to check attendances.
Nobody answered, so he 'backed' WENT BACK to checking attendances.
Everyone 'died away' (cos tu nie tak). One of our classmateS, Kris stood up and 'then excited' (nie rozumiem tego) with the police officer. The boy told him that Bobby has been 'recently very sad' (zla kol slow..very...) because older students had been laughing about him that he was a fat.
He 'didn't' COULDN'T manage with it.
Mr Brown proposed walking 'besides of writing' (tego nie rozumiem) the test. After A long conversation he understood that he shouldn't HAVE worried. Thanks to our help Bobby came back home and what's more, our new teacher turned out TO BE a fantastic person.
When the classroom door opened, everybody went silent.
Moreover, we had heard many bad things about him.
While we were preparing to write Mr Brown opened a journal and started to check attendances.
Nobody answered, so he went back to checking attendances.
Everyone was shocked. One of our classmateS, Kris stood up and then he left the classroom with the police officer. The boy told him that Bobby has recently been very sad because older students had been laughing about him that he was a fat.
He couldn't manage with it.
Mr Brown proposed walking instead of writing the test. After A long conversation he understood that he shouldn't have worried. Thanks to our help Bobby came back home and what's more, our new teacher turned out to be a fantastic person.

Coś jeszcze jest źle?
Thanks to our help Bobby came back home and what's more, it turned out that our new teacher was a fantastic person.

To zdanie tak bym jeszcze poprawaiła
teraz ok. Zdanie tez jest ok
Dziękuję bardzo za pomoc!!!
Temat przeniesiony do archwium.

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Pomoc językowa - Sprawdzenie