rozprawka - proszę o sprawdzenie (170 wyrazów)

Cześć. jakby ktoś miał czas, to prosze o sprawdzenia :)

30. Many young people decide to take a job while they are still at school. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of such decision.

In contemporary age many people want be adult so quickly.They want leave school and go to job to earn nice money, but in order to do it they have to stop school or going to school and earning money in the same time what is badly idea but surely it has advantages too.
First of all students who are going to stop school want more money for themselve.Probably cash which give them parents is to little.They want original clothes or now mobil phone so fast, but their parents just don't have a moeny for it.
Secondly they want feel like adults.They want earn money and don't want live with their parents.They want pay for accounts and food and live alone from parents as far as they can.
Unfortunately, if they give up or take job while they are still at school they will have a problems with lessons and subjects, and probably they won't pass a finally examination on studies.In the future they will have a unpleasant job and they will do something, what they hate.

In contemporary age many people want (tu cos brakuje) be 'adult' (jak piszesz 'people' to jest l. mn- to dostosuj 'adult' do l. mn) so quickly.They want (tu cos brakuje) leave school and go to (tu cos brakuje) job to earn 'nice' (zle slowo- pomysl o tym) money, but in order to do it
they have to stop (tutaj brakuje 'chodzic do') school or 'going' GO to school and 'earning' EAN money 'in' (zle slowo, AT) the same time 'what' (kalka z polskiego 'co' ale w ang piszemy inaczej - popraw) is (tu cos brakuje) 'badly' (zla czesc zdania) idea but surely it has advantages too.
First of all students who are going to stop school want more money
for 'themselve' (ortog). Probably cash which 'give' GIVES (bo to odnosi sie do 'cash-it) 'them parents is to little' (to jest zle - popraw cale zdanie, bop wyglada, ze 'dzieci daje pieniadze rodzicom). They want original clothes or now 'mobil' (ortog) phone so fast, but their parents just don't have 'a' THE 'moeny' (ortog) for it.
Secondly they want (tu cos brakuje) feel like adults.They want (tu cos brakuje) ern money and don't want live with their parents. They want (tu cos brakuje) pay for accounts and food and live alone from parents as far as they can.
Unfortunately, if they give up or take (tu cos brakuje) job while they are still at school they will have 'a' (nie dajemy 'a' przed rzecz. l. mn.) problems with lessons and subjets, and probably they won't pass 'a finally' (zla czesc zdania) examination 'on' (kalka z polskiego 'na'-pomysl i popraw) studies.In the future they will have aN unpleasant job and they will do something, 'what' (znowu ta kalka z polskiego 'co' poszukaj co tu ma byc i popraw) they hate.

dzięki wielkie za poprawienie mojej rozprawki już nie po raz pierwszy terri :)


>>>>Probably cash which 'give' GIVES (bo to odnosi sie do 'cash-it) 'them parents is to little' (to jest zle - popraw cale zdanie, bop wyglada, ze 'dzieci daje pieniadze rodzicom).

poprawiłem na >> Probably cash which they receives from their parents is too small for them. i właśnie nie wiem czy receiveS z s na końcu, bo w końcu jest THEY.?

Pozostałe poprawiłem na dobre, tylko nie mogę znaleźć jak zastąpić słówko what=co

np.they will do what they hate - i nie mam pojęcia na co zamienić te what. which?

poprawiłem na >> Probably cash which they receives from their
>parents is too small for them. i właśnie nie wiem czy receiveS z s na
>końcu, bo w końcu jest THEY.?

bez "s", bo jest they.

too little nie too small. (przedtem miałes to little - chyba o to "to" terri chodzilo)

np.they will do what they hate - i nie mam pojęcia na co zamienić te
>what. which?

Wyzej miales ...they will do something what they hate.

ma być: they will do something THAT they hate.