Poprawa biografii

Witajcie Moi Drodzy,
Mam problem ze swoją biografia - mianowicie rzekomo są w nuej błędy gramatyczne, stylistyczne oraz ogólnie w pisani.
Czy ktoś mógłby mnie sprawdzić gdzie popełniłem błąd? Z góry bardzo dziękuję za pomoc.

Jack (in Polish his name sounds Jackek) was born in February 1990 in Warsaw (Poland). He had the older brother, he was very close to him and he was learning a lot from him. Their parents were all the time at the work, they did not have any time to spend with them. Most of the time he and his brother were educated by grandparents. Jack was very quiet and calm where he dominated peers with his intelligence.
At the year of eleven, his parents decided to move to Paleto Bay in San Andreas. Jack was sent to international school in order to get familiar with the community over there and also to learn how to properly speak English. He passed the high school without any problems, then he started to study the laws in college in San Fierro. At the last year of studies, he was sent to one year internship to Los Santos where he met a new boyfriend. After the end of studies, he decided to move to Santos to start a new capture of his life.

He had 'the' (zly przedimek) older brother, he was very close to him and he 'was learning' (nie, tutaj 'learned') a lot from him. Their parents were 'all the time at the work' (nie, arse over tit, najpierw..were at work, a pozniej na jak dlugo, all the time), they did not have any time to spend with them. Most of the time he and his brother were educated by grandparents. Jack was very quiet and 'calm' (nie za bardzo pasuje, poszukaj inne slowo) where he dominated (tutaj brakuje slowa ' jego') peers with his intelligence.
At the 'year' (nie, zle slowo, tutah 'age') of eleven, (tutaj ja dalabym to inaczej, bo wyglada ze jego rodzice mieli 11 lat,, jjest nie jasno o co chodzi...When he was 11)..., his parents decided to move to Paleto Bay in San Andreas. Jack was sent to (tutaj brakuje przedimek) international school in order to get familiar with the community 'over there' (nieporz) and also to learn how to 'properly' (to slowo moze znaczyc bardzo duzo, ale tutaj nic nie dodaje, lepiej nie uzywac, bo musisz wtedy wytlumaczyc co to znaczy) speak English. He passed the high school (ale co? chyba 'exams'?) without any problems, then 'he' (niepotr) started to study 'the' (niepotr) 'laws' (nie, piszemy duza litera, Law) in (brak przedimka) college in San Fierro. 'At' IN the last year of studies, he was sent to (brak przedimka) one year internship 'to' IN Los Santos where he met a new boyfriend. After the end of studies, he decided to move to Santos to start a new 'capture' (calkowicie zle slowo, masz ma mysli 'chapter') of his life.

Cześć Terri,
Bardzo Ci dziękuję za chęci pomocy! Oczywiście dostosowałem się do Twoich zaleceń i ostatecznie wygląda to tak:

He had an older brother, he was very close to him and he learned a lot from him. Their parents were at work all the time, they didn't have any time to spend with them. Most of the time he and his brother were educated by grandparents. Jack was very quiet and pacefull where he dominated his peers with his intelligence.
When he was eleven, his parents decided to move to Paleto Bay in San Andreas. Jack was sent to an international school in order to get familiar with the community and also to learn how to speak English. He graduated from high school without any problems, then started to study to study Law in the college in San Fierro. In the last year of studies, he was sent to a one year internship in Los Santos where he met a new boyfriend. After the end of studies, he decided to move to Santos to start a new chapter of his life.

Czy mogę prosić o ponowne sprawdzenie, czy nie popełniłem błędu z przyimkami?

Pozdrawiam.

Jack (in Polish his name sounds Jackek)
to study to study Law

...you expect perfection ....:-) I do try my best, but sometimes get interrupted or my mind wonders....good job I'm being watched.

wanders

Hello again!

I writed already my biography but I changed it adding more details. Could someone check me and my mistakes?

(Spróbowałem po angielsku również zapytać) :D

Jan Kowalski was born 1 February 1990 in Warsaw in Poland. His mother worked hard for days as the cleaning lady in the hotel, and the unemployed father was taking care of the boy. The father during the care of the boy abused alcohol, as well as happened for him of violence towards the boy. At the age of 11 his mother has obtained rights to care him. Right after entering into force of sentence the mother decided to emigrate with the boy to her brother which lived in Chicago. There the boy was sent to the Polish school to the purpose of adaptation in the new seat, as well as sciences of English. The mother of the boy started work with brother friend as the cleaning lady of the house property because she didn't know english language. The work filled most of her time, that's why she was pressed for time for the son. The boy after the school stayed the most of the time at the uncle workshop helping him with small works. Jan Kowalski left the secondary school without problems. He started the Law studies at the private higher education institution. Wanting to support the uncle and the mother during studies he started work in the nearby restaurant as the waiter, where worked there for the duration of studies. After having a university degree Jan Kowalski started work in law firm as the administrative staff. There he also got to know the boy with which he started meeting, and after two years moved to him. He hid the fact of being gay from the mother and the uncle up to the moment, until the mother learnt about it by accident from third parties. The mother severed relations with him what it caused, that Jan Kowalski had started having emotional problems what also influenced his effectiveness at the work. In the same time he learnt that his boy betrayed him. That's all it caused, that one day packed the most needed things and fell out to Los Santos without informing of it anybody. He decided to start a new life starting after the arrival from visits at the psychologist, thanks to which it pretended standing up to legs. Currently he is staying in New York and is taking odd jobs up in order to earn first money.

Z góry bardzo dziękuję!

I writed already my biography not a very good start.

Dużo całkiem niezłych zdań i nagle:
That's all it caused, that one day packed the most needed things and fell out to Los Santos without informing of it anybody. He decided to start a new life starting after the arrival from visits at the psychologist, thanks to which it pretended standing up to legs. Co to w ogóle znaczy? Podejrzane te prace ;))

Miałem na myśli takie zdanie:

To wszystko spowodowało, że pewnego dnia spakował swoje najpotrzebniejsze rzeczy i poleciał do Nowego Jorku nie informując o tym nikogo. Po przylocie zdecydował rozpocząć nowe życia z pomocą psychologa, co pomogło stanąć mu na nogi.

Coś takiego miało być. :D

Podejrzane, haha. Potrzebne do gry jest i oni czasami patrzą na najmniejsze błędy. A ja jestem aktualnie w stanie nauki języka angielskiego zaczynając od początku. Tak więc czasami piszę ala "polskim-angielskim" , choć wiem, że wtedy niektóre rzeczy śmiesznie wychodzą :)

In the same time he learnt that his boyFRIEND betrayed him. u nas się mówi CHEATED ON

To spróbuj tak napisać. Zwroty takie jak 'stanąć na nogi' itp można łatwo znaleźć w sieci.

Jan Kowalski was born ON 1 February 1990 in Warsaw 'in' (ja bym dala przecinek po Warsaw i nie dawala 'in'), Poland. His mother worked hard 'for' (nie, to jest zle slowo, tutaj trzeba 'during') days as 'the' (ja dalabym tutasj 'a' dlatego, ze ona nie byla ta jedyna osoba w hotelu, tam byli inne cleaning ladies) cleaning lady in the hotel, and 'the' (tutaj bym zmienila na 'his') unemployed father was taking care of the boy. 'The father during the care of the boy abused alcohol' (to mnie tak razi ze az ....a, jest za bardzo po polsku, trzeba Whilst caring for the boy, the father...), as well as 'happened for him of violence' (to jest nie do czytania,, dlaczego ch.....tlumaczysz slowo w slowo z polskiego) towards the boy. At the age of 11 his mother 'has' (niepotr) obtained 'rights' (poszukaj wiecej oficjalne slowo) to care (brak slowa) him. Right after entering into 'force of sentence' (to jest po nijakiemu, bo nawet nie wiem o co chodzi) the mother decided to emigrate with the boy to her brother 'which' (gdy mowimy o ludziach to zawsze 'who') lived in Chicago (tutaj wypadaloby napisac, U.S.A.., bo wczesniej tlumaczyles ze Warsaw jest in Poland, to teraz daj nam znac gdzie Chicago jest.) There the boy was sent to the Polish school to the purpose of adaptation in the new 'seat' (calkowicie zle slowo), as well as sciences of English. The mother 'of the boy' (niepotr) started (brak slowa) work with (ale czeba napisac ze to byl 'jej') brother'S friend as the cleaning lady of the house property because she didn't know (brak przedimka) 'english' (duza litera, nazwa wlasna) language. The work filled most of her time, that's why she was pressed for time for the son. The boy after the school stayed 'the' (co ten przedimek tutaj robi?) most of the time at the uncle'S workshop helping him with small works. Jan Kowalski left 'the' (niepotr) secondary school without (brak slowa) problems. He started 'the' (niepotr) Law studies at 'the' (tutaj inny przedimek, dlatego, ze to nie byla jedna istniejaca institution) private higher education institution. Wanting to support the uncle and the mother during (brakuje slowa 'jego') studies he started work in the nearby restaurant as the waiter, where (ale kto? trzeba napisac) worked 'there' (niepotr) for the duration of (tu brakuje slowa, albo przedimek, albo 'jego') studies. After 'having' (nie, to jest za niskie slowo, trzeba 'obtaining') a university degree Jan Kowalski started work in (brak przedimka) law firm as 'the' (niepotr) administrative staff. There he also got to know the boy with 'which' (tutaj mowisz o ludziach, i wtedy 'whoM') he started meeting, and after two years moved 'to' (nie, tutsaj trzeba inaczej, lepiej 'in with') him.
The mother severed relations with him 'what' (to jest kalka z polskiego 'co' ale w jez. ang tak nie formujemy zdania, tutaj inaczej daj 'which') 'it' (niepotr) caused(,) (niepotr przecinek) 'that' (niepotr) Jan Kowalski 'had started' (nie, daj 'to start') having emotional problems 'what' (co to z tym 'what' jest? Dlaczego nikt nie uczy teraz jakiego slowa powinnismy uzywac tutaj, 'which') also influenced his effectiveness at 'the' (niepotr) work. 'In' AT the same time he learnt that his 'boy' (ja dalabym 'boyfriend') HAD betrayed him. 'That's' (to jest zle slowo, bo nie masz tego na mysli, tutaj All that) 'all it' (niepotr) caused(,) (niepotr przecinek, dlaczego je kladziesz byle gdzie?) that one day packed (ale kto? musisz napisac) the most needed things and 'fell' (oj, nie, nie, napisz to w sposob w jaki to ma byc) out to Los Santos without informing 'of it' (znowu po polsku, ch...niiepotr) anybody. He decided to start a new life starting after 'the' (zle slowo, tutaj 'his') arrival (tu brakuje slowa, 'starting') from visits 'at' (zle slowo, tutaj 'at') the psychologist, thanks to 'which' (dlaczego do ....piszesz o ludziach jak o przedmiotach, tutaj jak mowisz o zyjacym czlowieku to piszemy WHOM) 'it' (do czego to 'it' sie odnosi) pretended standing 'up' (niepotr) 'to legs' (nie, to nie tak, tutaj Ci podpowiem, ale oczekiwalam troche wiecej od osoby na twoim poziomie...on his own two legs). Currently he is staying in New York and is taking UP odd jobs 'up' (w zlym miejscu) in order to earn (tutaj trzeba dodac 'jego') first money.

terri - jesteś wielka! Tak jak napisałem wyżej - cały czas uczę się łapania tego, aby nie mówić słowo w słowo po polsku w angielskim. Jednak trochę minie i muszę pooglądać trochę filmów, aby to ogarnąć. Jednak dzięki Tobie już sobie przypomniałem o tym who i whom! :D Hehe. Bardzo Ci dziękuję za świetne objaśnienia! Choć nadal czasami nie ogarniam tych przyimków - mimo, że już kilkakrotnie o tym czytałem i już myślałem, że robię to dobrze! No ale jeszcze spora droga przede mną. :) Jeszcze raz dziękuję!

Co to za gra, w której trzeba pisać takie wypracowania?

@kibus90
Trzeba pamietac tez, ze umiejetnosc twojego jez. polskiego jest na wyzszym poziomie jak twoj jez. ang. i nie dasz rady ukladac zdania po polsku i wtedy je tlumaczyc slowo w slowo. Musisz sobie myslec o bezblednych, prostych ang. zdaniach. Zeby wygrac maratony, trzeba zaczynac od malych, powolnych krokow.