sprawdźcie moje opowiadanko

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
muszę to oddać na pojutrze:
It was a horrible rainy day, even the weather was against Alice. She felt so depressed and lonely that she would never smiled that moment. Not for all the tea in China. The only thing that could help her was the love. But she thought there was no possibility to find someone after fer own heart. Who could love her? Impossible! She wanted to vanish into thin air, be somewhere where nobody could see her.
Suddenly it struck her that she could kill herself. “The death isn’t very painfull despite that it sound fearfully” - she heard it many times. She determined to do it immediately. Taking on her coat she ran out of her room. Five minutes later she was at the roof of a block of flats. She had just wanted to jump but at the eleventh hour something strange had happened.
“Don’t do it. Can’t you see all the world need your help? “– she heard unknown male voice.
“Isn’t it a hallucination.”- she thought and stared at the man with a disbelief.
“Come on I’ll show you” – he was persuading her and one was sure- she couldn’t jump.
A month later she didn’t regret her decision. It wasn’t the same Alice. By the time she met Grec, she had never been so joyful. He tought her helping poor people and love every day on the earth. And with his love he helped her to get her act together.

mam nadzieję że ktoś zajrzy, dziękuję z góry za fatygę jeśli tacy dobrzy ludzie są
o ile sie nie myle to :

1. at that moment zamiast "that moment"
2. love bez "the"
3. who could (ever) love her ? (jesli chodzilo Ci w znaczeniu "kto moglby ja pokochac"
4. it soundS fearfully
5. she was determined to do it (?) lub she determined that she do it
6. one (thing) was sure jakos lepiej brzmi

cos na pewno jeszcze jest... zreszta moglem sie i ja pomylic wiec pewnei ktos jeszcze to skoryguje :)
4. po sound jest przymiotnik a nie przysłówek.
ale ma byc it sounds prawda ?

i tam ma byc jeszcze the world needS your help
mam pytanie czy tu nie ma jakiśch błędów z czasami???? i czy tam nie powinno być she determined that she will do it???? i jeszcze czy w drugim zdaniu nie powinno być she was feeling bo na końcu jest at the moment?????????? i czy w tym zdanku The death isn't very painful despite that.... powinno być to that po despite?????
przeczytałam tylko twoj ostatni post, po despite na pewno nie ma that,

despite sth albo despite the fact that

sorii nie mam czasu czytać całego
Temat przeniesiony do archwium.

« 

Pomoc językowa