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MY FIRST COMPETITION

At the end, I'm going to tell you about my first swimming competition. So, the first competition which I was take part is the interschool county championships. It was also the stragest and the most suprising competition in my life. Of course, the problems had already appeared at the beginning. I forgot my legitimacy and my PE teacher had to expalined that me it is me. When we entered on the swimming pool, I though that the worst is behind us. Obviously I was wrong. Even though the first competition (chodzi tu o konkurencje) was a success, because I was not the last. For me it was improved my skills and I was not hoping for much. But the second competition was really strange. When I hear a whistle, I was swimming as far as I could. After the race, I flow up from the water and looked around and I saw that nobody is in the water. I though thst I lost and I am the last. But when I joined to my team and everyone stared to hugging me and making congratulations me, I was very very suprised. Finally someone told me that I had won the race. Now, I train and improve my skills. And above all I am doing what I love. That'a everthing what I want to say. Thank you for your attention.


Jakby co ma to być wypowiedź usta na prezentacji.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of errors - both in terms of language and logic. If I had to re-write the whole thing, it'd probably go something like this (and even then, there are some logic issues towards the end which could be made clearer through adding more context i.e. why was no-one in the water when you came first? Were you the only person in the race?):

In this short presentation, I'd like to tell you about my first swimming competition. The first competition which I took part in was the Inter-School County Championships. It also happened to be the strangest and the most surprising competition I ever took part in. Unfortunately, it wasn't long before I ran into problems. I forgot my I.D. and my PE teacher had to explain to the competition officials that, in fact, I was who I said I was! When we entered the swimming pool, I thought that the worst was behind me. Sadly, I was wrong. The first race was a success - inasmuch as I didn't come last! For me, all I wanted to do was improve my skills, and not hope for too much. But the second competition was really strange. When I heard the whistle, I started to swim as fast as I could. When I finished the race, I got out of the water, looked around, and I saw that nobody was in the water. I thought that I lost and that I came last! But when I joined my team and everyone started to hug me and congratulate me, I was very, very surprised. Finally, someone told me that I had won the race! Now, I train regularly to improve my skills. And above all, I am doing what I love. That's everything that I wanted to say. Thanks for listening.

@simon porter

Instead of rewriting the whole thing, try to point out the errors the student made and let her correct them. She can learn much more this way
I ever took part in - this is wrong

You're probably right, but that would take forever and a day. I'm quite happy to spend 5 minutes giving someone a hand, rather than spend an hour of my time breaking down someone else's text. Depending on how diligent the student is/how much they know, they could compare the two and learn from that as well.

Re: your point about 'ever' - it's perfectly acceptable to use 'ever' with a simple past form if the context allows you to identify a specific point in time (which is does in this case). http://blog.esllibrary.com/2014/11/20/can-we-ever-use-ever-with-the-simple-past/

it's not a specific point in time, but rather 'until now/then'

The first two sentences clearly set the time / event context justifying the use of the simple past: ... my first swimming competition. The first competition ...
The offending sentence is then the third sentence.
The whole presentation is about that particular event.

That's day-dreaming. Most won't go beyond copying and pasting the corrected text if they have it all laid out on a plate like that.
Where is your limit to 'helping' people? Sometimes they will write the topic and request a 100-words essay and sometimes they will make the effort of wroting the essay/letter/whatever in Polish and ask to have it translated. Which of those (if any) would you not rather do?

"most won't" which means "some do", so I'm glad you accept that some students will benefit.
I really don't get your hostility. If what you suggest is true, then there would be hundreds of requests for "please review this that or the other" - there simply aren't. More likely is this - you've got a girl who's worried about not looking a fool tomorrow when giving a presentation and she wants some help. I've no problem with that.
Your analogy is also misleading - she didn't write it in Polish did she? She made the effort, probably spent about 60 minutes to draft the above. It's clearly her own work. If she copied and pasted it from google translate, it wouldn't have half the grammar/spelling mistakes.
You seem to be suggesting I'm some kind of mug who is doing people's homework for them just for fun, you couldn't be more wrong.
You're side stepping my responses above - which you know to be correct - and coming up with ridiculous examples to prove a point you yourself have manufactured.

U-N-D-E-R-S-T-A-T-E-M-E-N-T.
I thought native spekaers of English were generally adept at both using and detecting understatement. I was obviously wrong.


How long have you been on this forum?


which, to you, means rewriting her essay so that she can sound like a native spekaer when she reads it tomorrow. And her teacher will naturally put that down to their own teaching talent, not even letting in the merest thought that someone else had simply written it.

If you teach, how often do you do in class what you have just done here? And how do you make sure that your learners have actually analysed your corrections?


so why are you doing people's homework for them?

And don't use the word hostility just because we are trying to teach you our idea of helping others improve their English.

I get the feeling me and you are going to become the bestest of friends.

"U-N-D-E-R-S-T-A-T-E-M-E-N-T. "
Its easy to perform u-turns by introducing intonation to written language suit your goals. The problem inherent with written language is that people interpret it in different ways - oh yes, as long as there isn't an established context created by the author. Trying to wriggle free, no surprise there.

"If you teach, how often do you do in class what you have just done here? And how do you make sure that your learners have actually analysed your corrections?"

I do this day in, day out. It's what I get paid for. I've got plenty of experience of following up on the people I work with.

"so why are you doing people's homework for them?"
It's plainly obvious they did the homework themselves, I merely corrected their homework. If they wrote it in Polish and said 'translate it', I wouldn't have done it. I have explained this, but you didn't seem to understand.

If you think you've helped the asker learn anything, I'll make a point of following this particular poster to see how much she has improved under your care when she posts another piece of written work.