prosze o sprawdzenie

Prosze o sprawdzenie listy motywacyjnego, nie chodzi mi o treść tylko o poprawność językową . Wdzięczna byłabym również za komentarz i zwrócenie uwagi na to, co należy poprawić .

Dear Sir/Madam
I’m writing to enquire about your advertisement in Gazeta Wyborcza, I read this offer yesterday and I’m very interested in this kind of job.
I would like to apply for the job as a nanny. I would like to get to know about opportunity of work in USA. I want to live and work in this country because I would like to improve my language and get to know new people .
I am 18 year-old girl. I live in a small town near by Poznań. I love kids and I have big experience with them. I have younger siblings so I must look after them very often. I am a responsible, ambitious and flexible person .
I would be grateful if you send me informations about accommodation. Could you tell me what will my schedule be like, and if I can work in time chosen by me? I want to work in August. I hope I will be given a chance to present myself in more detailed way.

Później postaram się sprawdzić całość. Na pierwszy rzut oka do poprawki są:
- w takich listach nie stosuje się form ściągniętych, np. I'm tylko I am;
- za dużo jest tu powtórzeń typu I would like...
- na zakończenie listu dopisz Yours faithfully
- "I am 18 year-old girl." - "I am a 18 year-old girl."

dziękuje za pobieżną ocenę. Mam pytanie jakich innych zwrotów mogę użyć aby wyrazić to samo co za pomocą : would like to , want to? Jest może jakaś dobra stronka z zamiennymi zwrotami, albo uniwersalnymi zdaniami przydatnymi do pisania takich form wypowiedzi jak np listy, eseje itp., bo jakoś do tej pory nie udało mi się na takową natrafić...?

Dear Sir/Madam

I AM writing to enquire about your advertisement in Gazeta Wyborcza. I read this offer yesterday and I AM very interested in this kind of job. (najpierw napisz konkretnie o jaką pracę chodzi, a dopiero potem tak ogólnie)
I would like to apply for the job as a nanny. I would like to get to know about THE opportunity of WORKING in THE USA. (można połączyć te 2 zdania i wtedy nie będzie powtórzenia) I want to live and work in this country because I would like to improve my language and get to know new people . (może: Living in this country would help me improve my English and know some new people.)
I am AN 18 year-old girl. I live in a small town near (bez "by") Poznań. I love kids and I have big experience with them. I have younger siblings so I must look after them very often. I am a responsible, ambitious and flexible person .
I would be grateful if you COULD send me SOME information (bez "s") about accommodation. Could you tell me what my schedule WILL (szyk pytania jest już na początku zdania i dalej powinien być już normalny, czyli "will" po podmiocie) be like, and if I can work in time chosen by me? I want to work in August. I hope I will be given a chance to present myself in more detailed way.

Yours faithfully,
XYZ

WIELKIE DZIĘKI !!!:)