Prosze o sprawdzenie tego tekstu!!

Prosze o sprawdzenie tego tekstu:

Peter Wilkins and diamonds.

Peter Wilkins went to some Asian’s islands to look for a cave with diamonds. He knew about this treasure from his grandfather. He was preparing for these exhibitions for a long time. But his grandfather never said where the treasure exactly is.

He swam to the island with his board. He was going past the jungle when in one moment he saw a shadow on his back. He started to run when immediately he falls into the hole in grand. Surprisingly he was in a cave with diamonds. He was very happy and couldn’t believe that everything is his. He started to scream with happy. His happy finish very fast. He heard a noise, which said him that he would die in that cave with his diamonds. And enter to the cave was closed.

He was very angry for himself and his meanness. He would die, he understands his wrong but it was too late. He tried to open the cave but it was impossible. He waited to slow death.

ja tak tylko parę błędów postaram się poprawić :)
1)powinno być "he fell" , bo wszystko piszesz w czasie przeszłym, więc falls odpada :)
2)he couldn't believe that everything was his, masz tu mowę zależną, tak mi się wydaje
3) he started to scream hapily
4)"his happiness finished", happy to szczęśliwy, a happiness to szczęście!
nie rozumiem trochę o co chodzi w zdaniu: "he would die, he understands..itd.
No to na tyle, jakby ktoś zauważył jeszcze jakieś albo gdybym ja się pomyliła to piszcie!

>went to some Asian's islands
1. Asian
2. dlaczego liczba mnoga? chodzi o archipelag? ja by napisał: went to an Asian island
>preparing for these exhibitions
1. these -> this
2. exhibitions (wystawy) -> expedition (jedna wyprawa)
>was giong past the jungle
through the jungle sounds better
>saw a shadow on his back
może saw a shadow behind him (on his back brzmi mi tak jakby na plecach zobaczył cień)
>in grand -> in ground
>which said him ->which said to him/which told him
>and enter to the cave ->and entrance to the cave
>angry for himself ->angry with himself
>understands his wrong ->understood his wrong actions
>waited to death ->waited for death