application for a job-prośba o sprawdzenie

Witam
Będe niezwykle wdzieczna za sprawdzenie poniższego listu. Dodam, że pisałam to w ramach przygotowania do egzaminu - nie musze tym powalić ewentualnego pracodawcy :) bede wdzieczna za wszelkie uwagi gdyż to moj pierwszy taki :) dziekuje gorąco!

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing with reference to the advertisement which I saw in yesterday The Time. I would like to apply for a period of work experience.

I am 30 years old. I have an Master of Science degree in economy. I have been working in ABC.pl as a financial controller for five years. I am responsible for budgeting, preparing analysis of monthly and year-end financial statements. I spend a considerable time dealing with control of Accountant Department. I finished English rate on the second level in TELC so I can speak this language fluently.

I am creative person. I have excellent communication skills, human relations and interpersonal skills. I can work under pressure and make decisions very quickly.

I am applying for this job because I am ambitious person and it is very important to me to constantly improve my qualifications. I would welcome the chance to gain more knowledge and experience on period of work offered in yours advertisement. I believe it would be an excellent opportunity for me to learn how is working Financial Department in big, international company.

I hope you will consider my application. I am looking forward to your replay.

Dear Sir or Madam,
>I am writing with reference to the advertisement (for....o czym/kim to bylo, po co/na co?) which I saw in 'yesterday The Time' (nie, podaj dokladna date..10th May 2009 edition of The Times).
I have an Master of Science degree in EconomICS.
(nie zaczynaj kazdego zdania z 'I' to sie robi nudne...tutaj...For the last 5 years, I have....)I have been working in ABC.pl as a financial controller for five years.
(tutaj mozesz zaczac...My responsibilities include: ...)I am responsible for budgeting, preparing analysis of monthly and year-end financial statements.
I spend a considerable time dealing with 'control' (co to znaczy 'control' tutaj najmniejsze slowo to 'supervising',) of 'Accountant' (zle slowo tutaj ACCOUNTS) Department.
...I finished English rate on the second level in TELC so I can speak this language fluently.....(ale to nie jest prawda, bo widac pisemne ze cos nie tak...Jak juz podajesz cos, to ...I have X in English)
I am A creative person. I have excellent communication skills, 'human
relations' (cos tu nie tak) and interpersonal skills.
I can work under pressure and make decisions 'very quickly' (tak, very quickly- ale czy one sa ok?).
Zacznij...The reason for my application for this job)I am applying for this job because I am ambitious person and it is very important to me to constantly improve my qualifications.
I would welcome the chance to gain more knowledge and experience on period of
work offered in 'yours' YOUR advertisement. I believe it would be an
excellent opportunity for me to learn how 'is' (to jest kalka z polskiego-tutaj czas. w zlym miejscu) 'working' (w zlym miejscu) THE Financial Department in big, international company WORKS (albo nawet operates).
I 'am looking' LOOK (nie uzywac cont.) forward to your 'replay' (replay to powtorka, tutaj REPLY).

Stokrotne dzięki za sprawdzenie moich wypocin!
Pozdrawiam serdecznie!