please check my letter

Dear Mr. White,
I am writing to apply for a place on the English course offered by your university in the south of England.
I am a 22-year-old Polish citizen, currently living in Chełm. I am graduating my university on 2 June, where I study English Philology. I have already passed the most important examination. I was studying english language since high school and it was more than interesting experience for me. I can risk statement that it is my passion which I treat like a craft.
I obtained certificate in FC proficency in February 2009, which I passed on grade B. In addition I have successfully completed a course in English literature for teachers trainees. I have even some experience in teaching english on my own. I give pirivate lessons to several children.
I am convinced that I would benefit from an eight-week intensive course for foreign students offered by your university. I speak engilsh fluently so there is no problem with understanding lectures in English. Besides, I am very ambitious and hard working. Participation in this course would give me opportunity to know english culture from inside and chance to hear native speakers which I admire for their language abbilities.
Your college has very good reputation, in the field of teaching foreign students. My friend attended the same course last year and he was delighted with work of entire university.
Please contact me should you have any further questions. I hope you will consider my application positive and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

I am writing to apply for a place on the English (tutaj cos brakuje, tak tylko dla scislosci, albo English Language, English Linguistics,) course offered by
'your' (nie, nie tak, lepiej...by the University of X)university. 'in the south of England' (niepotr).
I am a 22-year-old Polish citizen, currently living in Chełm. I am
graduating FROM 'my' (niepotr)THE university OF (ale ktory?) 'on 2ND OF June' (daj to po ...graduating.. on the ), where I study English Philology. I
have already passed the most important examination (i to byla jaka-bo nie piszesz). I 'was' HAVE BEEN studying English Language since High School and 'it was more than AN interesting experience for me' (nie, nie tak..lepiej...and I find this subject fascinating).
'I can risk A statement' (nie pisz tego, to nic nie znaczy) 'that' (niepotr. THIS is my passion which I treat like a craft.
I obtained THE certificate in FC Proficency in February 2009, 'which I
passed' (niepotr) 'on' (znowu to polska kalka 'na' - prosze tego nie robic) WITH A grade B. In addition I have successfully completed a course
in English literature for 'teachers' TEACHER trainees.
I have 'even' (niepotr) some experience in teaching English. 'on my own'(niepotr). I give 'pirivate' (ortog) lessons to several children (dobrze, ale jaki level? elementary, intermediate?).
I speak 'Engilsh'(ortog) fluently so there is no problem with understanding lectures in English.
Participation in this course would give me AN opportunity to 'know' EXPERIENCE English culture from 'inside' WITHIN and A chance to hear native speakers. 'which I admire for their language abbilities' (niepotr). (ale przeciez kazdy tak moze powiedziec, ja tez moge napisac, ze 'I admire polish natives for their language abilities')
'Your college has very good reputation, in the field of teaching
foreign students' (czy oni przypadkiem tego juz nie wiedza?). My friend attended the same course last year and he was delighted with THE work of THE entire university.
Please contact me IF YOU should 'you' (niepotr) have any further questions.
I hope you will consider my application positiveLY and I look forward to hearing
from you soon.