Proszę o sprawdzenie krótkiego [opowiadania].

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
Moje pierwsze opowiadanie, zdaję sobie sprawę z tego, że jest masa błędów, miałem nawet kłopoty z doborem czasów, dlatego przy sprawdzaniu dobrze by było jakbyście wskazali miejsce gdzie jest zły czas, a ja bym sam spróbował dojść jaki czas tam ma być ;)

Napisz opowiadanie, w którym nieoczekiwane wydarzenie w czasie uroczystości rodzinnej zmienia plany głównego bohatera na przyszłość.


It was May, 1999. Adam and Ewa wanted to make their dream come true – wedding in the middle of the wild jungle. Today, we know, that was the worst place they could choose. For reason of high price of getting there, wedding was cameral – only bride and groom, their parents and a priest. Fast wedding and return to home – that was a plan.

Ceremony was going without problems, green all-around was creating deceptive, quiet atmosphere. Suddenly, from nowhere, natives were appeared. They wore very funny clothes made from grass and plants and had a huge heart shaped nose ring. They encircled the couple and showed by body moves they have to follow them. Terrified young couple without choice, started to follow natives. Behind them, slowly, were going the priest and the parents.

When they arrived to the camp, they were met with a tribe leader. What was funny, he knew English language. He welcomed the couple, apologized them for misunderstanding and explained the situation. It turned out, if somebody get married there, he promise loyalty not only to partner, but to land too. Shortly – they had to marry by tribe shaman and stay there forever.

Willy-nilly, under threat of death, lovers had to get married there, following local tradition and had to live there.


It was May, {in} 1999. Adam and Ewa wanted to make their dream come true – {a} wedding in the middle of {a} wild jungle. Today, we know {that} that was the worst place they could choose. {Due to the} high {cost} of getting there, {the} wedding was {private} – only {the} bride and groom, their parents and a priest. {A quick} wedding and {then a} return to home – that was {their} plan.

{The} ceremony was going without {any} problems, {the greenery} all-around was creating {a}deceptive, quiet atmosphere. Suddenly, from nowhere, {some} natives {} appeared. They {were wearing} very funny clothes made from grass and plants and had a !!!huge heart shaped nose ring!!!. They encircled the couple and showed {them, through their} body moves, {that} they {had} to follow them. {The} terrified young couple, {having no} choice, started to follow {the} natives. Behind them, the priest and the parents {were going slowly}.
!!!huge heart shaped nose ring!!!
tutaj chodziło mi o wielki kolczyk w nosie w kształcie serca (xDD) może heartshaped i nosering razem albo coś, nie wiedziałem jak to napisać bez zbytniego rozpisywania się.

edytowany przez Paceq: 22 mar 2011
Cytat: Paceq
!!!huge heart shaped nose ring!!!
tutaj chodziło mi o wielki kolczyk w nosie w kształcie serca (xDD) może heartshaped razem albo coś, nie wiedziałem jak to napisać bez zbytniego rozpisywania się.

...and had huge, heart-shaped rings in their noses.
When they arrived {at} the camp, they were {introduced to the} tribe leader. What was funny {was that} he knew {the} English language. He welcomed the couple, apologized {to} them for {the} misunderstanding and explained the situation. It turned out {that} if somebody {got} married there, {they had to take a vow to be loyal} not only to {their} partner, but {also} to {the} land {}. Shortly {after,} they {were married} by {the} tribe shaman and {were forced to} stay there forever.

Willy-nilly, under threat of death, lovers had to get married there, following local tradition and had to live there.
ponownie - wielkie dzięki =]
błędy rozumiem, jak zwykle, za dużo ich


Temat przeniesiony do archwium.