Rozprawka wyrażająca opinię - Pieniądze w życiu

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
Witam!
Jest to moja pierwsza rozprawka i bardzo chciałbym dowiedzieć się jak to wyszło. Będę wielce wdzięczny za pomoc w sprawdzeniu wypracowania.
Praca na mature.
Dziękuje!

Napisz rozprawkę na temat 'pieniądze pomagają osiągnąć szczęście w życiu'

Earning money is one of the most important part of human life. Nowadays people need cash to stay alive and that is why they are working a lot. So, relying on money importance, in my mind it helps reach the happiness in life.
Education in school or university requires from students smart brains and be desciplined. However, despite it richer students have wider field of abilities to make progress than poor people. For example they can let themselves to join paid extra-curricular activities what is more effective than homeschooling.
Money as medicament on sadness? Yes. The cash often can minimalise our minor problems and make usual daily rountine more interesting. Money allow buy everything helping ease the tension. New clothes, devices or car certainly have influence on our frame of mind.
Futhermore, being full of money let us have impression of life stability. Pay bills, payments for electricity, gas and general maintain for example food, is not on our mind, becouse of having enough money. We are able to not worried about the future.
On the other hand, everyone know that it is not possible to buy everything by cash. Money never replace our own health or family love. Nevertheless, today we are able to 'buy' even the health in better privacy hospitals and even the love, of course thanks to the money.
To sum up, in modern age we all need cash every day. Nobody can live without it, so according to my opinion, money make people happier and safely.
Earning money is one of the most important 'part' (tutaj l. mn, po polosku tez masz...jedna z najwazniejszych rzeczy, a nie rzecz) of (dalabym tu przedimek) human life. Nowadays people need 'cash' (napisz 'money') to stay alive and that is why they are working a lot. So, relying on (przedimek) 'money importance' (zla kol slow i cos brakuje), in my mind it helps (brak slowa) reach 'the' (niepotr) happiness in life.
Education in school or university requires from students smart brains and (brak cos) be 'desciplined' (ortog). However, 'despite it' (cos tu nie tak) richer students have (przedimek) wider field of abilities to make progress than poor people. For example they can 'let themselves to' (niepotr) join paid extra-curricular activities 'what' (kalka) is more effective than homeschooling.
'Yes' (nie za bardzo jako zdanie). 'The' (niepotr) Cash often can minimalise our minor problems and make usual daily rountine more interesting. Money 'allow' (money-it- 3os.l.poj) (komu) (brakuje cos)buy everything helping (brak cos) ease the tension.
Futhermore, being 'full of money' (cos tu nie tak) 'letS us have' (daj lepiej GIVES) (przedimek) impression of life stability. (przedimek) 'Pay' (zla czesc mowy) bills, payments for electricity, gas and general 'maintain' (popraw) for example food, is not on our mind, 'becouse' (co to za slowo? naucz sie jego i nigdy wiecej tak nie pisz) of having enough money. We are able to not 'worried' (zla czesc mowy) about the future.
On the other hand, everyone knowS that it is not possible to buy everything by cash. Money never 'replace' (money-it- popraw) our own health or family love. Nevertheless, today we are able to 'buy' even the health in better 'privacy' (zle slowo) hospitals and even the love (ale czyje? psa, kota, nieznanej kobiety...), of course thanks to the money.
Nobody can live without it, so 'according to' (niepotr) IN my opinion, money make people happier and 'safely' (zla czesc mowy).
Dziękuję bardzo za pomoc! To mi pomogło w poprawie i sprawdzeniu pracy.
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