Proszę o Sprawdzenie-Rozprawka

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Napisz rozprawkę na temat dobrych i złych stron najpopularniejszego twoim zdaniem internetowego
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To moja pierwsza rozprawka wiec proszę o rady i wyrozumiałość :)

Internet is more and more popular in nowadays world. Now, we can use internet everywhere, in metro, shops or just outside. At present very popular are social networking sites, because people needs contact with their friends, by the way they can know what their friends do, where there were and with who are in relationship and many other things.
In my opinion, social networking sites have a lot defects, which most people cannot see. First of all I would like to consider is ease access to information about theirs for foreign people such as theirs date birthday, photos or address. It is very dangerous for theirs privacy.
The second argument is time, what people devote for this site. Many people prefer meets in the internet now instead of outside, face to face. It is very bad, because very often we cannot understand second person in difficult situations. What is more, we cannot see emotions in face second person and look what it really think.
My third and last argument is a high risk addiction from this site. People spend more and more time, neglecting their friends in real world, responsibilities at home and job or just waste their time. They must check your profile every day, because they will feel bad if they do not this.
To sum up, the social networking sites have very advantages but they have also disadvantages, about many people forgets. We should use this sites wisely.


Ponawiam prośbę :)
ponawiam jeszcze raz :)
czy naprawde nikt nie moze tego choc raz przeczytac i mi sprawdzic ...?
the Internet
zamiast ouside - outdoors
social networking sites to jest podmiot
people to liczba mnoga - to wplywa na czasownik
where they have been and who they are in a relationship with
zdanie z first of all niegramatyczne
theirs uzywasz niepoprawnie, muszisz je zastapic roznymi innymi slowami
date birthday = urodziny dnia
time that
devote to
prefer meeting
the other person (zamiast second)
gdzie spedzaja coraz wiecej czasu? Napisz on-line
your - czemu your
do not do that
maja bardzo zalety?
about which
these sites