Pamiętnik z kilku dni cz. 2

Monday 19th March
Today is a big day. I'm going on a trip to the forest. next to school we must be at nine o'clock. We traveled by bus. When we arrived in place we have started adventure. Ledaer desiganted trail led us. Along the way he had considerd, because in the forest there were snakes often. I looked nerously in serach of enemy. Snddenly I scamed. I saw lurking in the bushes a snake. he looked hostile to passing hikers. I rasied the alarm. My friend escape, but the leader approached to the snake He sid that the danger has passed, That was not a venmous snake. When the trip over, we went to the house.

Tuesday 20th March
Oh no! Today is Tuesday! I have big jitters. I must appear in shool presentation. I had to play the prince in shining armor. Of course, armor was made of cardboard and I looked like washing machine. With a heavs heart I went to the shool. When I musted go out on stage I feel shortress of breatch. On stage, a stutterer, and I felt gread shane. It was not good perfonance. I do not like giving public. It was the worst day of my life

'next to school we 'must' (zle slowo, tutaj napisales, #musimy byc' a co potrzeba to 'musielismy byc') be at nine o'clock' (zla kol slow...We must be...).
When we arrived 'in place' (to jest kalka z polskiego 'na miejscu' ale po ang tak nie mowimy) we 'have' (niepotr) started (a gdzie przedimek?) adventure. (brak przedimka) 'Ledaer' (blad ortog) 'desiganted' (ortog) (brak przedimka) trail 'led us' (tego nie rozumiem, to nie lacina gdzie czasowniki dajemy na koncu). Along the way he had 'considerd' (ortog ale i tak zle slowo), because in the forest there were snakes (tu cos brak) often. I looked 'nerously' (blad ortog) in serach of (brak przedimka) enemy. 'Snddenly' (ortog) I 'scamed' (ortog). 'I saw lurking in the bushes a snake' (zrob to zdanie inaczej...In the bushes...). he looked hostile to passing hikers. I 'rasied' (ortog) the alarm. My friend 'escape' (tutaj czas przeszly), but the leader approached 'to' (niepotr) the snake He 'sid' (ortog) that the danger 'has' (zly czas) passed, That (tu cos brak) was not a 'venmous' (ortog) snake. When the trip (tu brak czasownika) over, we went (tu cos brak) to the house.

I must appear in (brak przedimka) 'shool' (ortog) presentation. I had to play the prince in shining 'armor' (armour - BrE). Of course, armor was made of cardboard and I looked like (brak przedimka) washing machine. With a 'heavs' (ortog) heart I went to the 'shool' (ortog). When I 'musted' (to slowo akurat nie istnieje w ang. - tutaj HAD TO) go out on stage I 'feel' (zly czas) (brak przedimka) shortress of 'breatch' (ortog). On (brak przedimka) stage, (tutaj musisz napisac ktp) 'a' (niepotr) 'stutterer' (daj tutaj czasownik), and I felt 'gread' (ortog) 'shane' (ortog). It was not (brak przedimka) good 'perfonance' (ortog). I do not like giving public (ale co? musisz napisac).

Masz problemy z przedimkami (a, an, the) a co do ortog. to prosze pisac uwaznie, bo niema zadnej przyjemnosci poprawiac co drugie slowo przez twoja nieuwage.

shame = wstyd, ale nie w sensie "wstydzic sie wystepowac przed widownia". Znajdz inne slowo.

"Today is a big day. I'm going on a trip to the forest" i zaraz potem piszesz w czasie przeszłym o tym

Tak, bo pierwsze zdania napisal rano zanim poszedl na ten trip, a reszte juz po powrocie - tak sie pisze w diaries.

Tak. Tylko czy nauczyciel/ka tak uwaza.

Yeah, right. Tense complexity in narrative , huh ?
The asker could as well put it other way round then. The past first and the present second like the so-called 'historic present " :)

enemy in relation to snakes?

I don't know. I would prefer them dead, I guess. Unless we're talking about a 'one-eyed trouser snake'.

Those are non venomous;)

z podziału tekstu (Monday morning, the end of the day etc.) to nie wynika...wyglada jakby ktoś usiadł i pisał w danym momencie

Ja bym nauczyciela przekonada. Sama pisze diaries, bo jak Mae West kiedys powiedziala: "keep a diary and one day it will keep you".

Ale tutaj moge uznac, ze powinno byc w czasie przeszlym, gdy przypuscimy ze to bylo pisane po.

Powinna byc przynajmniej przerwa miedzy paragrafem "przed" i "po" a jeszcze lepiej, np: Later that day. Na miejscu nauczyciela uznal bym jako blad.

Dobry pomysl, ale jednak racja siedzi na 'czasie przeszlym'.

oczywiście, nie da się opisać wrażeń z wycieczki w czasie przyszłym ;)
miałam na myśli pierwsze 2 zdania do zmiany lub zaznaczenie, że pisano w dwóch momentach dnia