Komputery staja sie coraz bardziej popularne... rozprawka - prosze o sprawdzenie

proszę o sprawdzenie - wypracowanie maturalne poziom rozszerzony


Komputery staja sie coraz bardziej popularne, ale eksperci twierdza iz powszechna komputeryzacja zburzy normalne stosunki miedzyludzkie. Napisz rozprawke , podajac argumenty za i przeciw tej tezie oraz wlasna opinie na ten temat.


Computers are very popular nowadays. We can do mostly everything with them because complex and dynamic systems allows us to search the web quickly, and almost everywhere.
Firs and foremost, using computers in daily life is very useful because of time savings for searching and sharing information. Computers also gives possibility to contact friends via social network services for example - Facebook, Twitter or Myspace so in scientists opinion computers will change the way of communication in our life.
Unfortunately computers have a lot of disadvantages. Many people use computers for a long time, so they sit in front of screen and they can ruin them relationships. Also they are also becoming lazy, withdrawn and they do not need socialization because computer replaces them the real world.
I’d like perceive that computers are very practical. As I said they make our life easier and we can do our work much faster so they helps us to save our time. In my opinion possibility of being in touch with our friends, family, and other people via social networks or email is very good idea to communicate but with moderation because face to face conversation is more pleasant and emotional so it giver full interaction.
To sum up, I think that scientists could be right but using computers in proper way would not damage interpersonal relations “however” (?) give us more time for spending time with friends or family.
I believe that a reasonable use of computers should not alter the relationships.

We can do mostly everything with them because complex and dynamic systems 'allows' (to musi zgadzac sie z systems) us to search the web quickly, and almost everywhere.
'Firs' (ortog) and foremost, using computers in daily life is very useful because of time savings for searching and sharing information. Computers also 'gives' (to ma sie zgadzac z 'computers' l. mn) possibility 'to' OF contactING friends via social network services for example - Facebook, Twitter or Myspace so in scientists' opinion computers will change the way of communication in our life.
Many people use computers for a long time, so they sit in front of screen and they can ruin 'them' THEIR relationships. 'Also they are also' (musisz anulowac jedno 'also') becoming lazy, withdrawn and they do not need socialization because computer replaces FOR them the real world.
I’d like TO perceive that computers are very practical. As I said they make our life easier and we can do our work much faster so they 'helps' (to ma sie zgadzac z 'they'. l. mn) us to save our time. In my opinion THE possibility of being in touch with our friends, family, and other people via social networks or email is A very good idea 'to communicate' (tu cos nie jest tak jak powinno byc) but with moderation because face to face conversation is more pleasant and emotional so it 'giver' (giveS) full interaction.
To sum up, I think that scientists could be right, (przecinek przed 'but') but using computers in 'proper' (poszukaj inne slowo, np 'measured, 'limited') way would not damage interpersonal relations '“however” (?)' (napisz tutaj tak...conversely' it does give us) 'but at the same time give' (niepotr) us more 'time' (daj tutaj 'opportunities') for spending time with friends or family.
I believe that a reasonable use of computers should not alter 'the' (daj tutaj 'any') relationships.

Bardzo Ci dziękuję.


tak poprawiłem:



Computers are very popular nowadays. We can do mostly everything with them because complex and dynamic systems allows us to search the web quickly, and almost everywhere.
First of all, using computers in daily life is very useful because of time savings for searching and sharing information. Computers also gives possibility of contacting friends via social network services for example - Facebook, Twitter or Myspace so in scientists opinion computers will change the way of communication in our life.
Unfortunately computers have a lot of disadvantages. Many people use them for a long time, so they sit in front of screen and they can ruin their relationships. Also they are becoming lazy, withdrawn and they do not need socialization because computer replaces for them the real world.
I’d like to perceive that computers are very practical. As I said they make our life easier and we can do our work much faster so they helps us to save our time. In my opinion the possibility of being in touch with our friends, family, and other people via social networks or email is a very good idea to communicate but with moderation because face to face conversation is more pleasant and emotional so it gives full interaction.
To sum up, I think that scientists could be right, but using computers in measured way would not damage interpersonal relations conversely it does give us more opportunities for spending time with friends or family.
I believe that a reasonable use of computers should not alter any relationships.

"computer replaces for them the real world"
tak się zastanawiam czy 'replace' jest tu najlpeszym słowem, czy nie lepiej "substitute" ?

trochę błąd logiczny "possibility of.... is a very good idea"

ciągle masz kilka błędów typu: rzecz. w l.mn + czasow. w 3os l.poj.

zmieniłem na "substitute"

nie widzę tu błędów typu: : rzecz. w l.mn + czasow. w 3os l.poj.

mogę prosić o poprawienie? :)

We can do mostly everything with them because complex and dynamic systems 'allows' (juz wczesniej zaznaczylam, tutaj musi byc ALLOW- systems allow) us to search the web quickly, and (dodaj tutaj slowo 'FROM) almost everywhere.
Computers also 'gives' (tutaj musi byc GIVE, computers GIVE, a computer gives) THE possibility of contacting friends via social network services for example - Facebook, Twitter or Myspace so in scientists' (tutaj musi byc apostrof ktory dodalas wczesniej) opinion computers will change the way of communication in our life.
As I said they make our life easier and we can do our work much faster so they 'helps' HELP (they help) us to save our time. In my opinion the possibility of being in touch with our friends, family, and other people via social networks or email is a very good idea 'to communicate' OF COMMUNICATION but with moderation because face to face conversation is more pleasant and emotional so it gives A fullER interaction.

Bardzo dziękuję Wam za pomoc! :)