rozprawka - studiowanie dwóch kierunków równocześnie.

Bardzo proszę o sprawdzenie, z góry dziękuje.

More and more people decided to study two fields simultaneously. This state of affairs have positive and bad sides. First I depict pluses of this situation.
The main benefit is broaden theirs knowledge. The students have possibility to gain more skills, which are useful in adults life. What is more they will possess a widely extent of information than other graduates, as a result they will can the better and well-paid job and quicker possibility of promotion.
On the other hand study two fields is very tiring, and the young people can feel exhaustion.
Another drawbacks of this state of things is lack of time. Often they must learning during all time, therefore they can not using students life, and take part in parties, other events or dating.
Last but not least is wasting valuable time on learning useless information, instead gain first experience in job.
Taking everything into account, thanks to acquired knowledge students are possible to find well-paid job and are on better position than others, but they must devote a lot of theirs time on learning, as a result the best period In theirs live is missing. Despite of many advantages simultaneous studying two fields is not for all.

More and more people 'decided' (zle slowo) to study two 'fields' (daj inne slowo) simultaneously. This state of affairs 'have' (dlaczego 'have' a nie 'has'?) positive and 'bad' (nie, napisz negative - wtedy bedzie balance, good/bad, positive/begative) sides.
First I 'depict' (daj inne slowo) (a gdzie przedimek?) pluses of this situation.
The main benefit is 'broaden' (zle slowo) 'theirs' (zle slowo) knowledge. The students have (przedimek) possibility to gain more skills, which are useful in 'adults life' (cos tu nie tak). What is more they will possess a 'widely' (zla forma mowy) extent of information than other graduates, as a result they 'will can' ( dlaczego 2 modale obok siebie?) the better and well-paid job and (przedimek) quicker possibility of promotion.
On the other hand 'study' (zla forma mowy) two fields is very tiring, and the young people can feel 'exhaustion' (zla forma mowy).
Another 'drawbacks' (dlaczego tu jest l. mn?) of this state of things is (przedimek) lack of time. Often they must 'learning' (zle zlowo) 'during' (niepotr) all (przedimek) time, therefore they can not 'using' (daj inne slowo) (cos brak) students life, and take part in parties, other events or dating.
Last but not least is wasting valuable time on learning useless information, instead (cos brak) 'gain' (zle slowo) first experience in (przedimek) job.
Taking everything into account, thanks to acquired knowledge students 'are' (niepotr, ale brakuje slowa i przedimka) 'possible' (zla forma mowy) to find (przedimek) well-paid job and are 'on ' (zle slowo) (przedimek) better position than others, but they must devote a lot of 'theirs' (nie, tu masz zle slowo, ma byc THEIR) time on learning, as a result the best period in 'theirs' (popraw) 'live' (zla forma mowy) is missing. Despite 'of' (daj 'the') many advantages simultaneous studying (cos brak) two fields is not for 'all' (daj tu slowo'everyone').

Dziękuję za wskazówki, zamieszczam poprawioną wersję. Czy teraz jest poprawnie? Byłabym wdzięczna za wytłumaczenie dlaczego broaden i depict jest nie pasuje.
More and more people 'DECIDE' to study two MAIN SUBJECTS' simultaneously. This state of affairs HAS' positive and 'NEGATIVE'
First I 'DESCRIBE' dlaczego depict nie pasuje?) THE pluses of this situation.
The main benefit is 'broaden' EXTENT (dlaczego nie braden w słowniku znalazłam poszerzać wiedzę - to broaden one's knowledge) THEMSELVES? knowledge. The students have A possibility to gain more skills, which are useful in 'adults life' (tutaj nie wiem, jak mogłabym to poprawić). What is more they will possess a 'WIDER' extent of information than other graduates, as a result they 'will BE ABLE' ( dlaczego 2 modale obok siebie?) the better and well-paid job and A quicker possibility of promotion.
On the other hand 'STUDYING' OF two fields is very tiring, and the young people can feel EXHAUSETED
Another DRAWBACK of this state of things is A lack of time. Often they must LEARN 'FOR' all THE time, therefore they can not ENJOYING OF students life, and take part in parties, other events or dating.
Last but not least is wasting valuable time on learning useless information, instead TO GET first experience in A job.
Taking everything into account, thanks to acquired knowledge students HAVE A 'POSSIBILITY to find A well-paid job and are IN A better position than others, but they must devote a lot of THEIR time on learning, as a result the best period in THEIR LIFE is missing. Despite THE many advantages simultaneous studying OF two fields is not for EVERYONE.

First I 'DESCRIBE' (dlaczego depict nie pasuje?) (w moim dictionary -depict-to describe an object in words) THE pluses of this situation.
The main benefit is 'broaden' EXTENT (poszerzać wiedzę - to broaden one's knowledge), TAK, ale tutaj to wymaga 'BROADENING' ) THEMSELVES? (to jest zle slowo, wystarczy 'THEIR") knowledge. The students have 'A ' (zly przedimek, ma byc THE) possibility to gain more skills, which are useful in 'adults life' (napisz...when they become adults...chociaz, generalnie to po 18 juz nimi sa.)
What is more they will possess a 'WIDER' (uzylabym GREATER) extent of information than other graduates, as a result they 'will BE ABLE' (nie, zrob to inaczej...they will have the chance of) a well-paid job and A quicker possibility of promotion.
On the other hand 'STUDYING' OF two fields is very tiring, and the young people can feel EXHAUSETED (ortog, tutaj exhausted)
Another DRAWBACK of this state of things is 'A' (zly przedimek, tutaj 'the') lack of time. Often they must LEARN 'FOR' all THE time, therefore they can not 'ENJOYING OF' (nie, tutaj myslalam o 'participate in a) student's life, and take part in parties, other events or dating.
Last but not least is wasting valuable time on learning useless information, instead 'TO GET' (tutaj masz zle, potrzeba OF GETTING) their first experience in A job.

If you write 'the possibility to do sth' you are given 0 in an exam.

Jeszcze raz wielkie dzięki za pomoc. Mój największy problem to czasowniki w odpowiedniej formie, spróbuje nad tym popracować.