Rozprawka- reality shows.

Witam!
Przygotowuje sie do matury rozszerzonej z angielskiego i ćwiczę długie wypowiedzi pisemne:) Proszę o sprawdzenie rozprawki pt. 'Reality shows, droga do sławy, czy psychologiczna pułapka?'

Watching TV programs like reality shows is a well-knowing entertainment. The audience finds pleasure with that. But how reality shows influence for participants? Are these programs a good way to become a famous person, or just a psychological trap?

One major advantage of taking part in reality shows is a fast way to make a public career. In fact, many young people dream about it, and entertaining programs facilitate do it. Moreover, there are obviously rewards for the most popular competitors. It has to be said too, that there is a big money to won. Actually only the psychologically strongest persons can win. For this reason it is a good chance to test one's strength.

On the other hand, there are some drawback too. First, the reality shows' competitors are constantly observed, what is nothing nice. All of their moves are seeing so as a result the privacy is given-up. Furthermore this kind of competition is really stressful, because of being separated from home and family. The participants might find it difficult to live with others and staying closed at home. This means, that some problems may arise, for example interpersonal conflicts. They may feel psychological discomfort. Besides, programs' rules assume that there can be only very few winners, thus, others, who failed, may feel frustrated.

To conclude, reality shows are a springboard to become famous, but in my opinion it is not a good way. Programs like these may sometimes destroy psychic, so it is not worth to take part in them.

Watching TV 'programs' (programmes - programs-tylko w IT) like reality shows is a well-'knowing' (known) FORM OF entertainment. The audience finds pleasure 'with' (nie, tutaj masz kalki z polskiego, ma byc IN that. But how DO reality shows influence (co? kogo?) 'for' (nie rozumiem dlaczego masz slowo 'for' tutaj) (brak przedimka) participants? Are these programMES a good way to become a famous person, or just a psychological trap?

One major advantage of taking part in reality shows is a 'fast' (zle slowo) way to make a public career. In fact, many young people dream about it, and entertaining 'programs' facilitate 'do' (nie rozumiem uzycia 'do' tutaj) it.
It has to be said too, that there is 'a' (po co to 'a' tutaj?) big money to BE won.
First, the reality shows' competitors are constantly observed, 'what' (hello - znowu kalka z polskiego 'co' ale w ang. tego nie uzywamy) is nothing 'nice' (poszukaj inne slowo). All of their moves are 'seeing' SEEN so as a result theIR privacy is given-up.
The participants might find it difficult to live with others and 'staying closed' (cos tu nie tak-popraw) at home.
Besides, (przedimek) 'programs'' (popraw) rules assume that there can be only very few winners, thus, others, who failed, may feel frustrated.

To conclude, reality shows are a springboard to becomING famous, but in my opinion it is not a good way. 'Programs' (popraw)r like these may sometimes destroy 'psychic' (nie, tu masz zle, 'psychic' to jest jasnowidz, pomysl) so it is not worth 'to take' TAKING part in them.

Poprawiłam, chociaż pare rzeczy jeszcze nie do końca... Mogę jeszcze raz prosić o sprawdzenie?

Watching TV programmes like reality shows is a well-known form of entertainment. The audience finds pleasure in that. But how do reality shows influence (co? kogo?) Nie rozumiem o co chodzi 'for' (nie rozumiem dlaczego masz slowo 'for' tutaj) [zrobiłam kalkę z polskiego, jak to zostało wspomniane...](brak przedimka) [powinno być at?] participants?

One major advantage of taking part in reality shows is a 'fast' -->'quick'? way to make a public career. In fact, many young people dream about it, and entertaining programmes facilitate 'do' (nie rozumiem uzycia 'do' tutaj) it. [Ułatwiają zrobienie tego, w sensie kariery]
It has to be said too, that there is big money to be won.
First, the reality shows' competitors are constantly observed, 'what' (hello - znowu kalka z polskiego 'co' ale w ang. tego nie uzywamy) Czyli dać inne słowo, czy już nic nie powinno być? is nothing 'nice' --> 'pleasant'?. All of their moves are seen so as a result their privacy is given-up.
The participants might find it difficult to live with strangers, sometimes at closed home.
Besides, the programmes' rules assume that there can be only very few winners, thus, others, who failed, may feel frustrated.

To conclude, reality shows are a springboard to becomING famous, but in my opinion it is not a good way. Programmes like these may sometimes destroy one's mind so it is not worth taking part in them.[/quote]

But how do reality shows influence the participants?

In fact, many young people dream about it, and entertaining programmes facilitate it.
First, the reality shows' competitors are constantly observed, WHICH is nothing 'nice'pleasant'?.
The participants might find it difficult to live with strangers, 'sometimes' (niepotr) 'at closed home' (nie, to jest zle, zle zrozumialam o co chodzi...napisz...within a confined space.)

Dziękuję Ci bardzo za wszystkie uwagi!

osobiscie nie spotkalem sie z taka konstrukcja. Zmienil bym szyk i too na inne slowo. Moglby ktos wyrazic opinie?

Tak, zmienilabym to na
Additionally, it has to be said that......