Zalety i wady nawiązywania nowych znajomości i komunikowania się przez internet

Prosiłbym o rzucenie okiem na moją pracę:

According to some researches, more than 90% of kids have a possibility to use the Internet. In one minute 300 thousands people are logging into their Facebook accounts and another 100 thousands are adding new “tweets”. Since 90’, Internet has slowly became the main source for quick communication. However, finding new friends online without consideration may turn against you..
We can’t imagine life without the Internet. First of all, we can send a message to our friend in no-time, and for free.. There’s no borders, so if we want to find a new pen-friend from foreign country to improve our speaking or writing skills, we only need few minutes to find one. A vary of chat-rooms gives us opportunity to share our thoughts, hobbies or problems. What is more, Internet gives us a sense of freedom by being an anonymous. The other side know about us only informations we gave to them.
On the other hand, you can also face many unfriendly people, who overuse this freedom.
Another problem is your security. If you are using chat-rooms to make new friends, you have to remember that the other person may not be someone he or she claims to be. Furthermore, lot of teenagers spend too much time talking with online friends, neglecting the real ones.
To sum up, communication by Internet is a great invention, which lets us save our time, but must be used with proper consideration. We have to think before we share our personal informations to a new friend.

According to some researches (lepiej po prostu: RESEARCH, bez "some"),
more than 90% of kids have a possibility to use (lepiej to zmienić na DOSTĘP DO) the Internet.

In one (lepiej: EVERY) minute 300 thousands (bez 's') people are logging into (Present Simple) their Facebook accounts and another 100 thousands (jak wyżej) are adding (Present Simple) new “tweets”. Since (przedimek) 90’(s), (przedimek) Internet has slowly became (gramatyka) the main source for (lepiej: MEANS OF) quick (lepiej: FAST) communication. However, finding new friends online without (dodaj: PROPER) consideration may turn against you..

We can’t (w esejach lepiej używać pełnych form: CANNOT) imagine life without the Internet. First of all, we can send a message to our friend in no-time (raczej osobno), and for free.. There’s (skrót - jak wyżej, poza tym nie liczba pojedyncza, bo dalej masz "borderds") no borders, so if we want to find a new pen-friend from (przedimek) foreign country to improve our speaking or writing skills, we only need (przedimek) few minutes to find one. A vary (to czasownik, potrzebujesz rzeczownik) of chat-rooms gives us (przedimek) opportunity to share our thoughts, hobbies or problems. What is more, (przedimek) Internet gives us a sense of freedom by being an anonymous.
The other side (know about us only informations - SZYK WYRAZÓW!! Poza tym information jest niepoliczalnym rzeczownikiem) we gave (raczej Present Simple) to them.
On the other hand, you can also face many unfriendly people, (raczej bez przecinka) who overuse this freedom.
Furthermore, (przedimek) lot of teenagers spend too much time talking with online friends, neglecting the real ones.
To sum up, communication by (przedimek) Internet is a great invention, which lets us save our time, but must be used with proper consideration. We have to think before we share our personal informations (jak wyżej) to (złe słowo - WITH) a new friend.

The other side (know about us only informations - SZYK WYRAZÓW!! Poza tym information jest niepoliczalnym rzeczownikiem) we gave (raczej Present Simple) to them.

Spróbuj zmienić to zdanie: dosł. po polsku: Jedyną rzeczą, którą druga strona wie o nas jest informacja, którą decydujemy się im dać.