Proszę o sprawdzenie opowiadania,

It was night in December of 2000. Me and my older sister Anna were at the party at my friend house in Inwałd.
Weather didn't look inviting but we decided to go home on our own. We left town and went into the forest where the road was leading. Suddenly the weather began to get worsen.
It was snowing and the temperature was very low. My sister's face was red from the cold wind. I couldn't felt my feet. We realized how dangerous the situation is. Tarmac was completely covered with ice. Legs grew heavy like lead. I lost the strength and the will to go further. I fell. I barely heard as Anna call my name. I've lost my consciousness. I felt like I could never warm up again. Suddenly I felt something. someone holding my hand and something heavy lying on me. I opened my eyes and saw the full relief face of my sister. I looked around and realized that we are in our neighbor's car. Anna was holding my hands. This heavy something which was lying on me, it was neighbor's dog.
Weeping and laughing, we came up with our arms full of relief. As I found out later our neighbor fortunately was driving home and saw us on the side of the road.

zapomnialas o paru przedimkach na poczatku
Me and my older sister Anna <~~~to bym zmodyfikowal
wedlug mnie get worse = worsen zatem wybierz
I couldn't FEEL
We realized how dangerous the situation WAS
I've lost my consciousness <-- zly czas
I looked around and realized that we WERE in our neighbor's car

Sprobuj poprawic;)
....the full relief face of my sister.
This heavy something which was lying on me, it was neighbor's dog.

ponadto , dałbym ' I fell over '

It was a night in December of 2000. I was with my sister Anna at the party in my friend house in Inwałd.

Weather didn't look inviting but we decided to go home on our own. We left town and went into the forest where the road was leading. Suddenly the weather began to get worse.
It was snowing and the temperature was very low. My sister's face was red from the cold wind. I couldn't feel my feet. We realized how dangerous the situation was. Tarmac was completely covered with ice. Legs grew heavy like lead. I lost the strength and the will to go further. I fell over. I barely heard as Anna call my name. I lost my consciousness. I felt like I could never warm up again. Suddenly I felt something. someone holding my hand and something heavy lying on me. I opened my eyes and saw my sister’s face. I looked around and realized that we were in our neighbor's car. Anna was holding my hands. This heavy something which was lying on me, it was Fluffy, my neighbor's dog.

Weeping and laughing, we came up with our arms full of relief. As I found out later our neighbor fortunately was driving home and saw us on the side of the road.

Dziękuje za pomoc
Czy teraz jest lepiej? :)

I was with my sister Anna (tę informację wstaw na końcu zdania) at the (mowa o tej imprezie po raz pierwszy, wiec inny przedimek) party in (AT) my friend house (czegoś brak po "friend") in Inwałd.

(przedimek) Weather didn't look (dodaj: TOO albo VERY) inviting

go home on our own - może lepiej: WALK home

into the forest (przecinek) where the road was leading

(przedimek) Tarmac was

(CZYJE?) Legs grew heavy like lead.

I barely heard as Anna call my name.

I lost my consciousness.

Suddenly I felt something. (-) someone holding my hand and something heavy lying on me (AND A HEAVY WEIGHT ON TOP OF ME).

This heavy something which was lying on me, it - THE HEAVY WEIGHT ON TOP OF ME

we came up with our arms full of relief - co masz na myśli z "came up" and "with our arms"?

As I found out later (przecinek) our neighbor fortunately was driving home and saw us on the side of the road. (to dodaj nowe zdanie: Miałyśmy wielkie szczęście, że tam był.)

Ja bym zaczal drugie zdanie od: My sister ..... + inna forma be;)

relief mozesz dac do tego zdania ale pomysl jak to ladnie ujac i w jakiej formie?

it nie bedzie w zdaniu z Fluffy;)

Witam,
mam do sprawdzenia pewną chińską legendę. Bardzo proszę o uwagi, czy jest poprawnie gramatycznie, ponieważ mój angielski nie jest wysokich lotów :)

Chinese legend about white snake.

This is one of the most popular legends in China.
Long time ago there was White Snake who wished to become a human. This Snake transformed into a woman and Snake's friend transformed also. Two women were walking on the coast of lake when it started to rain. They met a young man. His name was Xu. Xu gave White Snake his umbrella. This was the beginning of their love and they married.
One day a monk who lived on the nearby hill told Xu the truth about White Snake. He gave Xu a medicine and he advised to add this specific to wine for White Snake.
When The Chinese Holiday started Xu's wife fell sick. Xu gave her the medicine which got from the monk. White Snake transformed into her real form. Xu frightened by her apperance and died. White Snake wanted to save him so she went to the mountains for a medicine. She found the medicine and helped her husband, but Xu didn't want to go back to White Snake. He feared of her too much. The monk prompted Xu to live in a monastery. White Snake challenged the monk to fight to get back her husband. She lost. Meanwhile Xu slipped away from the monastery. He were looking for White Snake. They met at the place where they met for the first time. The monk was there also and he cast spell on White Snake and imprison her.
Many years later White Snake's friend saved her from slavery.

(przedimek) Chinese legend about (przedimek) white snake.

(przedimek) long time ago there was (przedimek) White Snake who wished to become a human. This Snake transformed into a woman and (przedimek) Snake's friend transformed also. Two women were walking on the 'coast' (zle slowo) of (przedimek) lake when it started to rain.
Xu gave White Snake his umbrella.
One day a monk who lived on 'the' (zly przedimek) nearby hill told Xu the truth about (przedimek) White Snake. He gave Xu a medicine and he advised (brakuje kogo) to add this specific (cos brak) to (przedimek) wine for White Snake.
When The Chinese Holiday (cos wiecej o tym, jaki holiday) started Xu's wife fell sick. Xu gave her the medicine which (brakuje kto) got from the monk.
Xu (cos brak) frightened by her apperance and died. White Snake wanted to save him so she went to the mountains for 'a' (zly przedimek) medicine.
He feared 'of' (niepotr) her too much.
White Snake challenged the monk to (przedimek) fight to get back her husband.
He 'were' (zla forma) looking for White Snake.
The monk was there also and he cast (przedimek) spell on White Snake and imprisonED her.