Opinion essay - uprzejma prośba o sprawdzenie.

Nowadays, a phenomenon of a giving pocket money to children is widespread around the world. Despite the fact that many parents believe that a possession their own money by children can be dangerous, I strongly believe that at no time are there more disadvantages than advantages of this idea.

The most important advantage of the pocket money is that it may teach our children responsibility for their decisions, saving and reasonable spending their money. If they know that they have certain sum of money and can not spend more they will spend it carefully. Moreover, thanks to having an allowance, children do not have to explain how they spend the money. Consequently, young people feel free and independent.
Apart from being a good educational method, pocket money may enable our children uninhibited development their passions and interests. Last, but not least clearly defined amount of money which is given to the child enable a more accurate household budget planing.

On the other hand, many people claim that young people should not get a pocket money because of the possibility of improper spending their money, for instance: on alcohol or drugs. In addition, a big danger for children is an advertising, which encourages children to buy things, which are often bad for their health, for instance: a fizzy drinks or a sweets.

To sum up, despite the few dangerous resulting from the pocket money, I think that allowance is necessary element of the parenting

Nowadays, 'a' (wg mnie zly przedimek) phenomenon of a giving pocket money to children is widespread around the world. Despite the fact that many parents believe that 'a' (niepotr) possession (brak slowa) their own money by children can be dangerous, I strongly believe that at no time are there more disadvantages than advantages of this idea.

The most important advantage of 'the' (niepotr) pocket money is that it may teach our children (przedimek) responsibility for their decisions, saving and reasonable spending (brak slowa) their money. If they know that they have (przedimek) certain sum of money and can not spend (tutaj mozesz dodac 'any') more they will spend it carefully. Moreover, 'thanks' (nie lubie tego slowa, to jest prawdziwa kalka, dlatego, ze w jez. ang. niema 'odpowiednika' tego polskiego slowa, daj tutaj 'due') to having an allowance, children do not have to explain (ale komu?) how they spend the money.
Apart from being a good educational method, pocket money may enable our children uninhibited development (brak slowa) their passions and interests. Last, but not least (przedimek) clearly defined amount of money which is given to the child 'enable' (tutaj 3os.l.poj) a more accurate household budget 'planing'. (blad ortog)

On the other hand, many people claim that young people should not get 'a' (niepotr) pocket money because of the possibility of 'improper' (nie za bardzo trafne slowo, moze 'reckless') spending (brak slowa) their money, for instance: on alcohol or drugs. In addition, a big danger for children is 'an advertising' (tego nie rozumiem), which encourages children to buy things, which are often bad for their health, for instance: 'a' (niepotr) fizzy drinks or 'a' (dlaczego dajesz przedimek 'a' przed l. mnoga?) sweets.

To sum up, despite the few 'dangerous' (zla czesc mowy) resulting from 'the' (niepotr) pocket money, I think that (przedimek) allowance is (przedimek) necessary element of 'the' (niepotr) parenting.

Zrob cos z tymi przedimkami (a, an, the). Nie uzywasz ich wlasciwie.

Nowadays, the phenomenon of a giving pocket money to children is widespread around the world. Despite the fact that many parents believe that possession of their own money by children can be dangerous, I strongly believe that at no time are there more disadvantages than advantages of this idea.
The most important advantage of pocket money is that it may teach our children the responsibility for their decisions, saving and reasonable spending their money. If they know that they have a certain sum of money and can not spend any more they will spend it carefully. Moreover, due to having an allowance, children do not have to explain to their parents how they spend the money. Consequently, young people feel free and independent.
Apart from being a good educational method, pocket money may enable our children uninhibited development of their passions and interests. Last, but not least a clearly defined amount of money which is given to the child enables a more accurate household budget planning.
On the other hand, many people claim that young people should not get pocket money beacuse of the possibility of reckless spending of their money, for instance: on alcohol or drugs. In addition, a big danger for children is an advertisement, which encourages children to buy things, which are often bad for their health, for instance: fizzy drinks or sweets.
To sum up, despite the few dangers resulting from the pocket money, I think that an allowance is a necessary element of parenting.

Wydaje mi się, że odniosłem się do wszystkiego. Ogólnie to nie są obowiązkowe wypracowania, a rodzaj treningu, dla samego siebie. Z problemem przedimków faktycznie muszę się uporać. Dziękuję za pomoc i pozdrawiam. Za jakiś czas znów coś dodam ;)

... important advantage of pocket money is that it may teach our children the responsibility for their (tutaj mozna dodac OWN) decisions, saving and reasonable spending OF their money.
...many people claim that young people should not get pocket money 'beacuse' BECAUSE of the possibility of reckless spending of their money, for instance: on alcohol or drugs. In addition, a big danger for children is (tutaj mozna dodac 'being influenced by') an advertisement, which encourages children to buy things, which are often bad for their health, for instance: fizzy drinks or sweets.
To sum up, despite the few dangers resulting from 'the' (niepotr) pocket money, I think that an allowance is a necessary element of parenting.