Dwa paragefy do listu (cover letter)

Witam,
Bardzo bym was prosił o sprawdzenie napisaych przez mnie dwóch paragrafów do listu motywacyjnego (cover letter). Każda uwaga dotycząca jakiej kolwiek modyfikacji jest naprawdę dla mnie cenna.

I am an IT professional with extensive experience in the areas of network and systems
administration, network infrastructure design, and project management. I am particularly interested in network services study, deployment, and administration in a free and open-source software based environment. I am always looking for new ways to automate and improve existing services. Furthermore, I am able to apply academic knowledge combined with my passion for informatics to field more productively. I also have achieved consistent and remarkable results in execution and completion of IT solutions projects.

On the other hand I have a variety of leadership, communications, motivational, team building,
and analytical skills. I enjoy helping and inspiring diverse groups to work towards a common goal,
using my ability to understand, negotiate, and resolve conflicting needs. Now, I would like to bring
my knowledge and expertise to your company.

Z góry dziękuję za waszą pomoc.

I am an IT professional with extensive (to znaczy ile lat? 2, 10? 15? trzeba napisac ) experience in the areas of network and systems administration, network infrastructure design(,) (nie potrzeba przecinka jak masz 'and' po tym) and project management.
Furthermore, I am able to apply academic knowledge combined with my passion for informatics 'to field more productively' (cos tutaj tego nie rozumiem).
I 'also have' (zla kolejnosc slow...have also) achieved consistent and remarkable (tzn jakie? 40, 50, 70 procent - trzeba napisac) results in (brak przedimka THE) execution and completion of IT solutions projects.

'On the other hand' (nie, to calkowicie tutaj nie pasuje, mozesz dodac...In addition) I have a variety of leadership, communications, motivational, team building(,) (znowu ten przecinek przed 'and' on jest niepotr) and analytical skills (EVIDENCE, mozesz dodac which was obtained during my X years working for X) .
I enjoy helping and inspiring diverse groups (podaj przyklady) to work towards a common goal,using my ability to understand, negotiate(,) (znowu ten przecinek ktory jest niepotr) and resolve conflicting needs.

Teraz ok, tylko kazde zdania gdzie pasuje powinno byc poparte 'dowodami' ze to umiesz i robiles.