Proszę o sprawdzenie

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Today I would like to tell you about my passion for life, which is playing the guitar. Let's begin by explaining to you how it all commenced. I started playing the guitar at the age of 13 when my parents sent me to private lessons at my request.
As I've been trying to start learning for many years, the ability to make this small dream come true made playing the guitar an activity that I love and do in all my free time.
Although it wasn't easy at first, and learning required many hours of exercise, it was worth it, because now my playing is at a very high level, which allows me to take part in many competitions.
Moving on to social benefits, I need to mention that participation in music concerts is an incredible opportunity to meet people who share your passion. Moreover, as the competitions are held all over the world, it is a great time to travel through other countries.
Playing the guitar is not only a rivalry but also a brilliant way to spend time with family and friends. To giving you an example, me and my family every year play and sing Christmas carol to my accompaniment.
Now let's look at health benefits.
Playing any instrument is the perfect way to relax and get rid of stress. Creating music develops our creativity, ingenuity, and concentration.
I would like to continue my education in playing the guitar, so I hope to go to the music academy to pick up any new skills. My dream is to play in a big orchestra in the future.
To sum up, playing the guitar is a skill that brings many benefits. I encourage everyone to learn how to play an instrument and get to know this fascinating musical world.

jezeli sam to pisałeś, to gratulacje
tylko to zdanie trzeba poprawić, bo jest dużo błędów:

Moje uwagi:
Today I would like to tell you about my passion 'for' (tutaj dalabym 'in') life, which is playing the guitar.
As I've been trying to start learning for many years, the ability to make this small dream come true made playing the guitar an activity that I love and do in all (tutaj dalabym, 'of') my free time.
Moreover, as the competitions are held all over the world, it is a great time to travel 'through' (nie wiem czy miales na mysli 'to') other countries.
To 'giving ' (popraw) you an example, me and my family every year play and sing Christmas 'carol' (tylko jedna?) to my accompaniment.
Now let's look at (brak przedimka) health benefits.
I would like to continue my education in playing the guitar, 'so' (to slowo mi tu nie za bardzo pasuje, cos innego) I hope to go to the music academy to pick up any new skills.

To give you an example, my family and I sing Christmas carols to my accompaniment every year.
Teraz ok?

how it all commenced... personally I'd have chosen a different word.

Ja bym dał 'every year' w innym miejscu.

A jakie, jeśli można widzieć? Nie chciałbym powtórzyć "begin"

mnie sie nie podoba "social benefits"

To zmien cale zdanie ,moze nawet dwa. Mnie tez to slowo tu razi.

interpunkcja zła, Robciu

I wouldn't consider learning to play an instrument as education.