I am writing with regard (bez 's') to your advertisement in (ale gdzie, data, nazwa itp) newspaper. 'I saw it in newsweek, on Monday' (to nic nie znaczy - lepiej data). Precisely I want to work as a lifeguard in Sussex.
I am 20 years old and 'obtained' (moze lepiej 'have) two A levelS in mathematicS and geography. (in technical school-tego nie potr). Prior to this I 'obtained'(have) 7 'B' (tego nie rozumiem, po co to pisac - to powinno byc w CV).
'Since' (lepiej After college,) I spent A year working as a shop
assistant (w jakim sklepie, obowiazki). 'AT this time' (teraz widze, ze There bedzie lepiej..) I learnt 'many new things' (to znaczy co? dokladniej) and HOW TO work with other people.
I am friendly, organised, responsible, trustworthy, energetic
and patient. I work well under pressure (dowod na to - trzeba tutaj napisac).
Gdzies trzeba tez napisac, ze umiesz plywac - i ze masz jakies kursy, egzaminy z tego)