Opowiadanie - proszę o sprawdzenie

Temat przeniesiony do archwium.
Opowiadanie pod tytułem: "A journey I’ll never forget"
Once upon a time my mum told me to buy some milk and bring it to my grandmother, because she wanted to make a cake. I didn’t really want to go but mum said it was very important so I had to.
That’s how my journey started. It was Sunday so most of shops were closed. I had been looking for an hour before I found open one. Unfortunately, someone just before me had bought the last one bottle of milk. It was Iker Casillas, the goalkeeper of Real Madrid. I begged him to give me this milk and he suggested a challenge: „If you score on my goal, I’ll give you the milk”. Thank God someone called him when I was kicking the ball. This way – I scored and won.
It wasn’t the end of my adventures. Suddenly I heard that someone is going after me. It was Satan himself with his hordes of doom. He said: „I can’t let you make the Cake of Destiny! Give me this milk!”. I started to run but there was a dead end! I clenched my fists and decided to face them…
I was very lucky, because Leonidas and his 300 Spartans were there. He said: „There aren’t many of us but we’ll stop them for a moment. Go make this cake and save the world. Spartans – tonight we dine in hell!!!”.
I fulfilled this order and brought the milk to my grandmother. The Cake of Destiny was quite good but I still don’t understand how did it save the world.
Once upon a time my mum told me to buy some milk and 'bring' TAKE it to my
grandmother, because she wanted to 'make' (kalka z polskiego 'zrobic' ale tutaj BAKE) a cake.
It was Sunday so most of THE shops were closed. I had been looking for an hour before I found 'open one' ONE OPEN.
Unfortunately, someone just before me had bought the last 'one' (niepotr) bottle
of milk.
I begged him to give me this milk and he suggested a challenge: "If you score
'on my goal' (cos tu nie tak), I'll give you the milk". Thank God THAT someone called him when I was kicking the ball.
Suddenly I heard that someone 'is' WAS going after me.
The Cake of Destiny was quite good but I still don't understand how 'did' (niepotr) it saveD the world.

Very good - I enjoyed reading that.