Proszę ogromnie o sprawdzenie:)

Bardzo proszę o sprawdzenie. Będę ogromnie wdzięczna, bo wiem, że są błędy, ale już nie jestem ich w stanie wyłapać.

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing with regard to your advertisement for volunteer. I would like to apply for the work as volunteers. My name is XYZ and I am twenty four years old. I am from Poland and I graduated from Department of English Philology in Warsaw with distinction.
First of all I would like to childcare and assist the schools for example work with disadvantaged and vulnerable children. However very important social problems are bound up with poverty and unemployment. I want to express my strong interest of these problems.
In addition I would be interested in work in South Africa. I would like to work in the period from June to October.
Furthermore there are advantages of this work. Volunteers are very sensitive in the human injury. I will have satisfaction from help working as an volunteer. Also this is a big chance for my scientific development. It will be very important for my professional qualification.

I am writing with regardS to your advertisement for volunteerS. I would like to apply for work as A volunteer. My name is XYZ and I am twenty four years old. I am from Poland and I graduated from THE Department of English Philology in Warsaw with distinction.
First of all, I would like to (brakuje tu czasownika) childcare and assist [the schools..albo "in the classroom" for example BY workING with disadvantaged and vulnerable children. However, very important social problems are bound up with poverty and unemployment. I want to express my strong interest IN these problems.
In addition, I would be interested in work in South Africa. I would like to work(albo am available)from June to October.
Furthermore, there are advantages of this TYPE OF work. Volunteers are very sensitive [in the human injury...nie wiem o co chodzi]. I will have satisfaction from working as an volunteer. Also, this is a big chance (czy opportunity?) for my scientific development. It will be very important for my professional qualification(S).

"with regardS to"
AFAIK the 's' is substandard... it's a mix of 'as regards' and 'in/with regard to'

Dziękuję ogromnie za pomoc!! :))

you're right mg...I fall into this trap once in a while
sloppy on my part