Sprawdzenie listu

Potrzebuje pomocy!! Chodzi o sprawdzenie listu w którym opowiadamy pracodawcy jak zajęliśmy się jego gościem, którego sam nie mógł odebrać z lotniska. Bardzo dziękuje za pomoc.. ;)

Good evening!

As you wished, I have taken care of your guest Mr. Sven Fisher. When I met him on the airport he was pale and irritate, he seemed to be very tired. He was surprised and disappointed that you weren’t able to pick him up. I have said that you apologise for your absence because your business meeting and that you are looking forward to seeing him tomorrow at 10 am at your office.
He mentioned that he need to rest, take a bath and eat something so I proposed him accommodation in Sheraton Hotel. When we were heading to hotel he told me about his flight. He said that the weather was terrible. He was afraid that the plane will crash because horrid turbulence but finally plane has safely landed.
After a while we came to Sheraton Hotel and I said once more about tomorrow meeting with you and then Mr. Fisher in a second disappeared with his door key.
I hope that I did good job and Mr. Fisher will tell some good words about me when he’ll met with you.

Best regards.

Jeszcze raz dziękuje za odpowiedzi..

Przede wszystkim trzeba zmienić czasy. Gość przyjechał w przeszłości, więc tam używamy Past Simple. Jeśli on w przeszłości opowiadał Ci o zdarzeniach jeszcze wcześniejszych, czyli z jego podróży, cofamy się do Past Perfect. Musisz także pamiętać o zamianach pewnych słówek, jeśli jest o nich mowa w przeszłości, np. this -> that, tomorrow -> the following day. Możliwe, że przeoczyłam niektóre błędy ale na pewno ta wersja jest lepsza.

Good evening! (tak się nie zaczyna listu... lepiej Dear Mr X,=

As you (had) wished, I took care of your guest Mr. Sven Fisher. When I met him on the airport he was pale and irritate, he seemed to be very tired. He was surprised and disappointed that you were not able to pick him up. I said that you apologised for your absence because of your business meeting and that you were looking forward to seeing him the following day at 10 am at your office.
He mentioned that he needed to rest, take a bath and eat something so I proposed him accommodation in the Sheraton Hotel. When we were heading to the hotel he told me about his flight. He said that the weather had been terrible. He was afraid that the plane would crash because of horrid turbulence but finally the plane landed safely.
After a while we came to the Sheraton Hotel and I said once more about the meeting with you the following day and then Mr. Fisher disappeared with his door key.
I hope that I did good job and Mr. Fisher will tell some good words about me when he (po "when" nie używamy formy czasu przyszłego "will", podobnie jak po "if") meet you.

Best regards,
(podpis)