Napisz opowiadanie zaczynające się od słów:

When Jamie heard a noise in the garden, he got up to look out of the window, but it was just his daughter named Hailie. She had fun in the garden and she wasn't aware at all that her dad was sleeping.

Jamie was 36 years old and has 2 daughters. The youngest is Hailie and next is Becky. They were both 13. He has wife named Caroline who was 34. They both were good marriage parents.
Some day when he heard a noise in the garden he checked what had happen but it was just Hailie who were climbing up on a tree. When he saw her he just smiled and went to the kitchen when he met Caroline which was running to her sister. Though Jamie were tired because of previous day in the work, he wasn't upset at all that Hailie woke up him. Then he saw Caroline in the kitchen. She was preparing a breakfast for him. It became quite plain to her that the kids will wake up him, so she prepared the dinner earlier than usually. When they were eating he couldn't utter even a word. Why? Because he was so hungry and he didn't have time for it. He had to be at work as fast as he could. Before he sat down on a chest in the kitchen he had received that text from his boss from the company. Caroline was anxious about him because he had promised her to take care more about daughters. But on the other hand someone had to work. He was the only one who didn't see the problem at all. As fast as he could he packed a lunch, took a suitcase and went out of a house. Before he went out he had told to his wife that everything will change if only he get a pay rise. He was working so hard for family that he couldn't be blamed.

In the next day he was woke up again by some sound which came from the suitcase. It was his boss. He felt a mixture of thoughts, but he answered. It seemed he get a new job. It was a well-paid job without extra hours like previously. It was then that finally he could be relaxed and easy-going.

It will be appreciated if someone would check it.

When Jamie heard a noise in the garden, he got up to look out of the window, but it was just his daughter named Hailie. She had fun in the garden and she wasn't aware at all that her dad 'was sleeping'

She wasn't aware at all that her dad was sleeping. = spał w tym samym momencie, kiedy ona sie bawila
ale ona obudzila go, wiec ja bym napisal to w Past Perfect Cont (obudzila go, i dopiero wtedy sobie sprawe)

ew: it will be appreciate if someone checks it
I will appreciate it if sb checks it

pamietaj, ze 'would' wiaze sie z 'unreal' future, a 'will' z 'real' future. Przy 'would' gdybasz, co byloby, gdy, przy 'will' przewidujesz, co bedzie.

would check jest ok

Ok dzięki wielkie. Widzisz może jeszcze jakieś błędy?

Porownujesz wieki dwoch corek wiec nie bedzie YOUNGEST. Poza tym dalej czytam ze obie maja 13 lat co mnie troche gubi.

Faktycznie, zapomniałem się. A czy nie moze byc tak, ze ona jest młodsza ale dotyczy to miesiąca czy nawet dnia? Czy to jest źle? Czy mogłoby zostać uznane?

mlodsza tak ale nie NAJmlodsza gdzie musisz porownywac przynajmniej 3 osoby. Mozesz ujac ze pomiedzy nimi jest xx miesiecy roznicy /np/

Ja bym nie dal SOME w zdaniu z some day ale moze w BrE jest OK, nie wiem.

some day = one day (in the future)
it's correct. You can also run into 'someday' (written together)

I wouldn't question "one day".

Jamie was 36 years old and 'has' (dlaczego piszesz 'was' - czas przeszly a pozniej 'has' czas teraz - lepiej xczas przeszly) 2 daughters.
'They were both 13' (popraw - to niema sensu) . He 'has' (zmien czas) wife named Caroline who was 34. They 'both were' (zla kol slow) good marriage parents.
Some day when he heard a noise in the garden he checked what had happenED, but it was just Hailie who 'were' (dlaczego jest tu l. mn. jak mowisz o jednej?) climbing up on a tree. When he saw her he just smiled and went to the kitchen when he met Caroline 'which' (gdy o ludziach to zawsze WHO) was running to her sister. Though Jamie 'were' (dlaczego uzywasz l. mnogiej jak mowisz o jednej osobie - to sa glupie bledy i nie rob tego wiecej) tired because of previous day in 'the' (niepotr) work, he wasn't upset at all that Hailie woke 'up him' (zla kol slow).
She was preparing 'a' (niepotr) breakfast for him. It became quite plain to her that the kids will wake up him, so she prepared the dinner earlier than 'usually' (zla czesc mowy).
'Because' (nie za bardzo lubie zaczynanie zdan z 'because') he was so hungry and he didn't have time for it. He had to be at work as 'fast' (daj tutaj quickly) as he could. Before he sat down on a chest in the kitchen he had received 'that' (daj 'a') text from his boss from the company. Caroline was anxious about him because he had promised her to 'take care more' (zla kol slow) about daughters.
As fast as he could he packed a lunch, took a 'suitcase' (to jest zle slowo, tutaj najwyzej briefcase) and went out of a house. Before he went out he had told 'to' (niepotr) his wife that everything will change if only he 'get' (ale przeciez 'he' to 3os.l.poj) a pay rise. He was working so hard for (tutaj cos brak) family that he couldn't be blamed.

'In' (niepotr). The next day he was 'woke' (popraw) up again by some sound which came from the 'suitcase' (uzywasz zle slowo, tutaj briefcase).
He felt a mixture of thoughts, but he answered (ale co? musismy sie domyslac). It seemed (cos tu brak) he 'get' (zle slowo-zly czas) a new job.

Dzięki wielkie.