Opowiadanie

Proszę o sprawdzenie : )
It seemed to be the beginning of a great new day. My friends and I were on the holiday in Turkey and we all had an amazing time.
That day we decided to try a parachute jumping which we had seen the day before while we had been strolling through the beach. At appointed time we show up in skydiving centre where we were instructed and prepared for jump. After this our plane took off and 30 minutes later 4 of us made their first parachute jump. It was absolutely incredible and unforgettable experience but no longer after this we weren’t able to analyze what we felt. One of us was lost. Everyone was terrified, no one could tell us what had happened. Our instructors said that they had seen the fourth team in the air but they didn’t know where they had gone. All of them were trying to calm us down but the awareness of danger and lack of experience in such situations made it impossible. Meanwhile we were thinking about all tragic situations which could had happened one of the instructors found parachutists on GPS. We run there at once and we saw two people who were trying to get up. As it turned out, the strong wind took them off course and in the moment of landing the radio had broken down.
We breathed a sigh of relief. Damian was a little beat-up and shocked but he felt quite well. Until that moment none of us have tried extreme sport.

My friends and I were on 'the' (zly przedimek) holiday in Turkey and we all had an amazing time.
At (przedimek) appointed time we 'show' (tu czas przeszly) up in (przedimek) skydiving centre where we were instructed and prepared for (przedimek) jump.
It was (przedimek) absolutely incredible and unforgettable experience 'but no longer after this' (cos tu nie tak) we 'weren’t' (prosze napisac w calosci) able to analyze 'what' (moze lepiej 'how') we felt.
Meanwhile we were thinking about all tragic situations which could 'had' (have) happened WHEN one of the instructors found (przedimek) parachutists on (cos brak) GPS. We 'run' (przeszly - ran) there at once and we saw two people who were trying to get up. As it turned out, the strong wind took them off course and 'in' AT the moment of landing the radio had broken down.
Until that moment none of us 'have' HAD EVER tried (przedimek) extreme sport.