"Dziwny tydzień z życia" w formie bloga

Witam! Chciałbym, aby drodzy internauci, sprawdzili czy aby na pewno nie mam jakichś byków w dwóch (dojdą kolejne :) ) dniach z dziwnego tygodnia życia ;P Praca napisana na szybko ;)

Monday 1th April

It was night. I had to kill someone. I took a hammer and I left home.
When I walking down the street I saw my first victim. That was a man WAS! hahahahahahah. Before I saw my victim, I following him, I caught him, and I smashed his face! Blood flowed, I like to see that red stains! Later I snatched his heart, and I went to home.

Tuesday 2nd April

Yesterday's day was awesome! I can't wait for the next victim! I went to school in the morning. Blood's lust didn't give me any moment to breathe!
I took knife to school, and I went inside. Suddenly teacher has pushed me, and I killed him, and I left school. It was terrible. Cops wanted kill me! I hid in the forest. When cops left me, I wanted kill someone. "I want to baptize someone in blood" - I said to myself, and I went to scary hotel, when I slept. This hotel was rly big, and smelt like a teenage horde!

Czy aby na pewno 'th'?

- tu nie wiem dokładnie o co Ci chodzi :D

Zanim zobaczyłem to już go śledziłem? No i trzeba dodać Past Continous.
Bo masz tak: Zanim zobaczyłem moją ofiarę, śledzę go (a winno być, śledziłem go), złapałem go i rozgniotłem jego głowę.
No i dziwna konstrukcja, najpierw go śledzisz, później dopiero widzisz, nie wiem dokładnie ocb.
bez to.
Tu nie jestem pewny co do 'for the next', musisz poczekać no opinię kogoś innego.
xD Just like that?

No, poczekaj jeszcze na opinie kogoś lepszego, bo na pewno coś przegapiłem/wydawało mi się dobrze.
BTW, przygody psychopaty? :D

1. Więc mam wstawić "st", się rozumie?

2. W drugim chodziło mi o to, że to był mężczyzna BYŁ. Czyli mam oddzielić jakoś to "WAS"?, np.
"That was a man... WAS! Because, before I saw my victim, I following him, I caught him, and I smashed his face!"

3.Oooo fakt, before pomyliło mi się z after :P

Czyli zamiast...

Ma być...

"After, when I saw my victim, I following him, I caught him, and I smashed his face" ?

Dzięki za zwrócenie uwagi na takie głupie błędy, sam bym ich nie wyłapał xD

Przygody psychopaty? No cóż miał być dziwny, aż do przesady, więc tak :)

jest czasem teraźniejszym :P

Tego nie rozumiem, tutaj ma byc 'I followed him....

I dlatego napisałem, że jest teraźniejszym, a ma być przeszłym :)

Monday 11th April

It was (daj tutaj jakiej okreslenie...) night. I JUST had to kill someone. I took a (dokladne okreslenie by sie przydalo np 5in albo nail hammer, ) hammer and I left home.
When I walking down the street I saw my first (intended?) victim. 'That' IT was a man 'WAS' (co to jest-lacina czy cos?)
Before I saw my victim, I 'following' (czas siple past - followed, ale to niema zadnego sensu, bo wg mnie nie mozesz kogos sledzic 'follow' jak jeszcze jego nie widzisz) him, I caught him, and I smashed his face IN! Blood flowed( ale gdzie, po nim, po ulicy, po tobie?), I like to see 'that' (zle slowo) red stains! Later I ' (nie po najpierw musisz je wyciac z ciala, a ty przy sobie nie miales nic do ciecia...)snatched his heart, and I went 'to' (niepotr) home.

'Blood's lust' (nie, to znaczy cos innego, napisz The lust for blood) didn't give me 'any' A moment to breathe(!) (co to z tymi wykrzyknikami tu i tam?)
I took (a gdzie masz przedimek? tez jego zabiles?) knife to school, and I went inside. Suddenly ( przedimek) teacher has pushed me, and I killed him (hello ale w jaki spobob? magic?) and I left school.
(przedimek, dlaczego o nich zapominasz?) cops wanted kill me!
When (przedimek) cops left me,(nie mozesz tak powiedziec, bo to wyglada, ze oni cie zlapali a pozniej zostawili, a wg mnie ty sie ukrywales i nigdy nie zlapali) I wanted (cos brak) kill someone. "I want to baptize someone in blood" - I said to myself, and I went to (znowy przedimek, prosze naucz sie ich uzywac) scary hotel, 'when' (zle slowo) I slept. This hotel was 'rly' (co to?) big, and smelt like a teenage 'horde!' (tego to nawet nie rozumiem)

Jak juz piszesz to oczekujemy 'blood and gore'.....

It was really dark night. I just had to kill someone. I took a handy hammer, knife and I left home.
When I walking down the street I saw my first random victim. That it was a man.
Before I saw my victim, I caught him, and I smashed his face! Blood flowed (on czy down?) the asphalt, I like to see these red stains! Later I snatched his heart, and I went home.

The lust for blood didn't give me any moment to breathe. I took a knife to school, and I went inside. Suddenly the teacher has pushed me, and I killed him with knife and I left school. The avengers wanted kill me! I wanted to kill someone. "I want to baptize someone in blood" - I said to myself, and I went to the scary hotel where i spent the night. This hotel was really big, and smelt like a teenage "horde!" <--- W znaczeniu horda

Myślę, że teraz mam mniej błędów dzięki, biorę się za pisanie kolejnego pasma chorych historyjek ;P

z racji tego, że nie mogłem dodać wpisu do poprzedniego posta, wstawiam kolejne dwa równie chore dni ;)

Thursday 4th April
I hated sea voyages! I vomiting sevral times. (jak dokładnie napisać -"zdałem sobię sprawę"?) - Killing is wrong. "I just want to playing brutal computer games and watching my lovely animated films about Zdzislaw in Shitland..." I told it to myself, when I puked. I saw a land! I swam to this land, and I CRASHED(?) - (w sensie rozbić obóz/namiot) a campsite.


Wednesday 3rd April
That night was terrible... The local peoples wanted to kill me! [again], but I'm flexible and fast, and I escaped from this sick place. I had to find port and gone from this cursed city. When my ferry pulled from port, I felt free and safe.

odświeżam

zdałem sobie sprawę - it dawned on me that, I realized that, I was awake to know that, or just I knew that.

It was really dark (dodaj cos wiecej, np eerie) night. (I had the feeling that) I just had to kill someone. I took a handy hammer, (a gdzie przedimek?)knife and I left home.
When I WAS walking down the street I saw my first random victim. (I saw ) that it was a (tutaj mozesz opisac, czy to byl mlody, stary, wysoki, niski, jak byl zbudowany) man.
Before I saw (the face of) my victim, I caught him, and I smashed his face IN (tutaj okreslenie jest...smash face in, co juz wyzej napisalam, ale ty tego nie zrobiles). Blood flowed On the asphalt. I like to see these red stains. Later I (tutsaj mozesz dac...used the knife to cut out his heart and once cut), I snatched his heart, and I went home.

The lust for blood didn't give me 'any moment' (ja bym to dala inaczej...a moment's peace. I still found it difficult) to breathe.
(tutaj wyglada jakby to byl nastepny dzien, musisz to napisac) I took 'a' (czy to byl ten sam knife? bo jak tak, to mozesz napisac, ze byl 'bloodstained) knife to school, and I went inside. Suddenly the teacher 'has' (niepotr) pushed me, and I (pulled out the knife, aimed it at him and) killed him 'with knife' (niepotr, i brakuje ci przedimka, ale tutaj mozna napisac ...instantly) and I left school. The 'avengers' (to jest zle slowo) wanted (tu cos brak) kill me!
"I want to baptize someone in blood" - I said to myself, and I went to the scary hotel where 'i' (duza litera) spent the night. This hotel was really 'big' (poszukaj inne slowo), and smelt like a teenage "horde!"

Dodalam cos od siebie, zeby to bylo wiecej 'interesting'.

i jeszcze slowo 'horde' nie jest tu najlepszym slowem. Jak juz chcesz je uzyc, to musisz napisac cos wiecej...a horde of....

I 'vomiting' VOMITTED sevral times. I became aware that killing is wrong. "I just 'want' (zly czas tutaj simple past) to 'playing' PLAY brutal computer games and 'watching' WATCH my lovely animated films about Zdzislaw in Shitland..." I 'told' SAID 'it' (niepotr) to myself, when I 'puked' (nie za bardzo - daj lepsze slowo i napisz co wychodzilo). I saw 'a' (niepotr) land! I swam to this land, and I 'CRASHED' (zle slowo, tutaj najlepiej jest 'put up' my tent on a campsite) (Tylko my nie wiemy gdzie owy tent znalazles, musisz cos wczesniej o nim napisac) - (w sensie rozbić obóz/namiot) a campsite.

The local peoples wanted to kill me! [again- czy to byli ci sami co wczesniej, przeciez jak to jest jakis tam 'land' to chyba nie ci sami)], but I'm 'flexible' (nie za bardzo) and fast, and I escaped from this sick place. I had to find (brak cos) port and 'gone' GO from this cursed city. When (daj tutaj 'finally) my ferry pulled from (a gdzie przedimek) port, I felt free and safe.

Dobrze tylko niekiedy lepiej jest 'show' nie 'tell', to znaczy opisz cos, zeby ktos czytajacy wyobrazil to sobie, but zaangazowany w to, a nie tylko tam tak czytal. Zrob to interesujace, i troche z wrazeniem ze ktos chce sie dowiedziec co bylo dalej.

Dzięki Wam ;) Niedługo dojdą ostatnie 3 dni ;P