Prosze o poprawe rozprawki, moja ocena półroczna

Moja ocena pólroczna zależy od poprawności tego zadania, starałem się jak mogłem, nic więcej nie mogę w tej chwili z siebie dać, naprawdę :(:(:(

Do young criminals go to prison?
In last time increase number of crime commit by young people. Some people think about rehabilitation young criminals. Many people think young criminals should go to prison, I think so because:
Firstly: If human commit a crime when he was young he will commit more crime when he/she grow up. Carl Panzram commit first crime when he was eight, when he grow up he killed many people, burnt school with students, and he commit other crimes. Ed Kemper shoot his grandfather and grandmother when he have fifteen, when he grow up he hilled many people…..
In addition: rehabilitation isn’t effective as isolation. Rehabilitation young people is too costly and too time-consuming.
On the other hand, my school friends think – we should rehabilitation young criminals because they will be better in the future. I don’t agree with my school friends, I’ll think rehabilitation is too dangerous, maybe underage criminals will be better maybe they killed somebody or burnt school, we don’t’ know.
In conclusion: ??? nie mam pojęcia co tu napisać, mam w głowie kompletną pustkę proszę, pomóżcie

Jesli to ma byc rozprawka,to proponuje "should" w 1.zdaniu "Czy mlodzi kryminalisci POWINNI...?"
The number of crimes commited by young people has increased recently. Some people think that young criminals should be rehabilitated.
More people,including myself, think that they should go to prison. Below I present the reasons for my way of thinking.
Firstly:If a person commits a crime when he/she is young,it is likely that he will commit more of them when he/she grows up.
Carl Panzram commited his first crime when he was 8 and when he grew up,he killed many people, burnt a school building with students inside, and commited other crimes.
Ed Kemper shot his grandparents when he was 15 and when he grew up, he killed more people...
In addition-rehabilitation isn't as effective as isolation. This process is too costly and too time-consuming.
On the (...) - we should rehabilitate young criminals because they will become better people in the future. I don't agree with my friends. I think rehabilitation is an unsure solution-we don't know if the underage criminals will become better people or kill somebody or burn schools.
In conclusion: (mozesz napisac,ze ryzyko jest zbyt wielkie,zeby pozwalac takim ludziom chodzic na wolnosci,ze moze sie wydarzyc wiecej tragedii i lepiej zamknac ta osobe w wiezieniu i byc spokojnym,ze chociaz jeden potencjalny zbrodniarz jest pod kontrola;ze fakt,ze ktos raz popelnil zbrodnie,moze oznaczac,ze nie cofnie sie przed tym takze nastepnym razem;ze,jesli ktos jest wystarczajaco "dorosly" na popelnienie zbrodni,powinien byc automatycznie traktowany jako ktos,kto jest wystarczajaco "dorosly" na poniesienie kary;no i wreszcie-napisz tez,ze uniewinnianie mlodocianych przestepcow moze stac sie zacheta dla ich rowiesnikow do popelniania nawet drobnych zbrodni,bo kary przeciez nie bedzie.)

Slowka,ktore Ci sie moga przydac do pisania konkluzji:
risk-ryzyko
tragedy
to be at peace - byc spokojnym
under control
potential-potencjalny
treat-traktowac
punish-karac
punishment-kara
encouragement-zacheta

Pamietaj o zachowywaniu czasow,dodawaniu koncowki "s" do 3.osoby.
I o nieregularnych czasownikach (formach przeszlych):
grow-grew
shoot-shot

to pakanam:
you're really good at your english where did you learn to talk like that?
and how long did it take?

Eee,tam zaraz, ze "good". MYsle,ze najlepiej nauczyc sie poprawnej mowy (i pisowni), czytajac sobie oryginalne angielskie teksty,gazetke jakas na przyklad. Internet az roi sie od takich stron,ale polecam:
time.com
washingtonpost.com
nytimes.com
a z lzejszych,lokalnych gazetek:
c-n.com